He won't let me breakup with him
We've been together for 5 years now, and eventhough I grew up a lot in this relationship, the bad memories overshadow the happy ones. It really messed my mental health up and I feel like I can't love him right, or even myself because I really hate me... But every time I talk about how toxic this relationship is he just begs for opportunities to change or tries to agree to all of my conditions eventhough I don't want that. I want to heal but he really won't let me go and I don't want to hurt him because of his depression, but I'm also depressed considering to stop existing because I really feel trapped. My best friend stopped talking to me a few days ago and I feel lonelier than ever... however I don't think is right to be together just because I'm lonely.
He doesn't want to go to therapy either so... I don't understand how this situation can get any better. I'm done trying to save others over me, I feel like I'm going to be consumed by everyone I love at some point... And eventhough I don't know if I love him anymore, I don't want to hurt him. All the memories and pictures just hold me back and day "just stay, you know him, he won't left" but other part just is dying with all this situation. I've always defended my relationship from friends, from my parents and even therapists, but... Maybe they were right about it all the time and I just was wrong with this.
Believe me that I've dealt with his episodes of self harm, sui..cide threatening, lots of manipulation and promises that he would change. I think I'm crazy already because of all the problems I've been facing right now and I'm just weak, because I really feel like I can't do it. I really feel like a bad person for even considering such an option.
@Crisblues
Hey there, thank you so much for reaching out and sharing.
I understand that your relationship has had a lot of downs and a lot of problems and they are so overwhelming that it's all you cam focus on. You also memtiomed how your boyfriend wouldn't agree to breakup when you feel like you guys are not good together and instead he would want to agree to everything.
It sounds like you care for others too much and you try to help them the best you can even if it's harming you. Sometimes, it's okay to be selfish and do something for yourself as well. Taking care of yourself isn't wrong. From everything that you mentioned, it sounds like you're surrounded by a lot of negativity right now which is having a huge impact on your mental health. It'll be nice to surround yourself with more loving and compassionate people who are kind to you. It will help you feel better about everything including yourself especially since you mentioned your best friend hasn't been talking to you.
As for the situation with your boyfriend, it sounds like he's really desperate to keep you and he doesn't want to lose you even though your relationship might not be healthy. Maybe you can try not putting any labels to your relationship and helping him while maintaining boundaries because boundaries are very important in any relationship. You need to save yourself and that should be the first priority. You can be explicit to him about all your boundaries and let him know why you you need them. You also mentioned that he's not agreeing to see a therapist and from the problems you mentioned about him, maybe it's best that he sees one but if you can't change his mind, that's okay. It's his choice if he doesn't want to go see one and you'll have to accept one. Instead, you could ask someone else who's close to him like his parents or siblings or friends to try and support him as well. Just talk to him and be there gor him. You can also recommend him 7 Cups if that helps. Or you could try discussing with him what kind of help he'd like to seek.
Here's a link to a guide on boundaries which might help you maintain a necessary distance in any relationship for self protection:
https://www.7cups.com/boundaries/
I hope this helps.
Good luck and take care! :)
Think about how you will feel if you stay with him for years and nothing changes. Can you accept that? If not, move on. I have been married 15 1/2 years and am deciding wether or not to divorce. Don’t wait that long. If there is more bad then good that says a lot. As for me, even though my man is kind and has no problems, I don’t love him enough and it has caused me over a decade of mental health problems. Save yourself now!
