Help please :(
I know this is probably something everyone goes through when their spouse leaves them for someone else, but is there a point where I should be concerned about how sad this is making me. Like I feel horrible about myself for being so pathetic but damn. Marriage meant a lot to me. There’s a reason I chose to marry this woman. It’s been like two weeks now and I still can’t go a full day without having a meltdown.
@DamagedDad89
It is natural that this experience is so painful. Give yourself enough time to heal your wounds. Two weeks is really not enough given how long you have been together and all moments you shared. Losing someone who is important hurts a lot and the feelings you have do not just disappear which makes it worse. I think a person should consider therapy when it starts intervening with life (e.g. there would be a risk of losing a job or the depressing feeling would not let you eat or sleep for long periods of time). However, it can be helpful to talk to someone about what are you feeling and what it means to you can be beneficial at any time. Or if you do not like talking to others about it, it is also possible to try journaling and write down all your thoughts, feelings, and the things you would want her to know...Stay strong and remember that it gets better as time goes by.
@DamagedDad89
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. It's completely normal to feel sad or upset, it shows how much you valued the relationship and the commitment you made with this person. Take all the time you need to process this, and let those feeling out. You can also connect with listeners one on one if you feel like talking to someone. It will get better, feeling down is the natural process of missing the person or the life that you had together or just the routine you had built around this person, but time will help you heal. Remember to take time to care for yourself, eat properly and spend time with friends can help you cope.
It’s kind of like feeling every emotion at once. My wife tells me specific instances where I made her feel unwanted and the absolute worst part is that I agree with her. I was so wrapped up in my own head. She described once instance where she went out of her way to try to cheer me up on my birthday and I brushed her off and went to sleep. Now, all I can think about is how bad I was to her and don’t deserve her. I neglected her and eventually she found someone who didn’t and gradually their friendship turned into an affair. My wife is a good person, I managed to make this amazing woman do something she would never normally do. Now, what she wants is for me to move out and just come over her house to help with the kids and leave every night at bed time. She tells me she still loves me but cannot come back to me. I just want my family to stay together more than anything. Everyone tells me how pathetic I am for still trying to be with her after she has already moved in without me. So I don’t talk to anyone anymore. Sometimes I can’t hold it in anymore and I talk to her, but that always ends up being the same conversation. This guilt, insecurity, and grief is tearing me apart.
@DamagedDad89
I’m so sorry to hear this , it’s really sad and I’m sorry that i can’t do anything for u , but i have a idea , maybe u two could go to a counselor about ur marriage , then get some solutions and fix this
Yea I wish that were possible. I’d do anything. I don’t think anyone can really understand quite how badly her having that affair hurt me either. For over a month I knew, but I lied to myself convinced myself it wasn’t true. I forced myself to believe it. I have 3 kids by another woman that I was with for 7 years which I came to find out she was cheating on me the whole time too. I didn’t even want anything to do with love until I met my wife. My wife saw how badly I was hurt from that it caused a lot of trust issues and insecurity. Which I why I was certain my wife would never do that to me. I confronted my wife one night about it. Told her I had a bad feeling and had noticed for things. She looked my directly in the eyes and said “I would never ever do what she did to you Michael, everything is going to be ok” lies so many of them. The worst part is that my wife is or was my super hero. I’m my eyes she was perfect and could do no wrong. Now I have to move in with my mom and pay child support to two women who drug me through the mud, and humiliated me. I’ll always be here for my kids. Life just feels more like a prison now. There’s no way I’ll ever be able to have anything resembling a life of my own. Tell me, how does one not feel hopeless in this situation. I used to be a fairly easy going person. Now I’m just a depressed anxious mess.
