Heartbreak (both still in love)
Hi 👋👋 As
cliché as it is : I'm 2 weeks out of a romantic break-up. This was my
most cherished relationship. We didn't separate for lack of feelings, or
common vision. It wrecked both of us, and we agreed we might get back together.
But it's the first time I feel like I'm "loosing my mind"
that much. things feel numb. surreal. lost.
What helped YOU during your breakups? what activities? thoughts? routines? much appreciated !
@disciplinedCherry253
I am sorry, but I cannot understand one thing: you love each other, you share the same vision, you are both suffering from the breakup and hoping about being together again... So why the breakup?
@jacek73
We love the person that each other is.
think each other is so rare, so precious.
and are scared to never find that again.
But I'm (we?) exhausted of emotional rollercoasters.
the time, energy that disappears in those doubts /hesitations /back and forth.
I need clarity, clear choices, clear actions. taking a decision, and standing by that. be congruent.
@disciplinedCherry253
Thanks for explaining. Indeed, now it sounds like a losing game...
What helped me after breakups: Actually, becoming another person. I believe you were someone different before you met this man, and it is up to you if you prefer being "you from this relationship" or "general you/different you". Women sometimes change their haircut, image and clothing to make this difference more visible to themselves. Not only women, as a matter of fact 😉
Also, patiently struggling with some issues to the point of anger. This is not about starting to hate or dislike the person, but about putting an end to some situations and not letting some bad things to go on. Anger is a powerful fuel. It can make me introduce changes without turning around too much, and with no returns.
@jacek73 thansk . your answer is precious perspective !
I can relate to the yearning for change.
After the breakup, I dove into my 2024 Goals List and thought 'Ok, which of them haven't I done yet? which can I do now?'. I know that will give me energy. and make me feel like I'm accomplishing important things for myself.
Thanks for the anger tip!
You have no idea how relevant it is! I've always been a very calm, quiet person. Not really letting myself go into anger. But this time, it also feels like an actual fuel, and gives me energy to take steps, move the needle forward. it's a nice discovery
@jacek73 I'm trying to adjust to the no-contact period we just agreed to start.
If you have any tips for that, and those rollercoasters : interested too !
I meant: what influenced your decision about breakup?
@jacek73 Sure, I can develop (:
His lifestyle choices and my lifestyle choices are very different.
Job, schedule, choice of town and region.
I know it could sound superficial. I love the person that he is. But I cannot compromise those choices forever.
I have compromised my needs to accommodate his lifestyle for 4 years. But reached my limit. he is interested in my lifestyle preferences long-term, but not taking action to start changes now.
@jacek73 He also said that 'something' was missing for him in the relationship. despite all the good things.
He spent ages trying to identify/understand that 'something' (research, discussions with friends, therapy). but couldn't exactly. That, was driving him crazy inside, slowly.
(Also:
the last time we met up, two weeks ago, and spent a weekend together to figure things out : he said that 'something' wasn't there anymore. that it was just, great. that contrast relieved him and confused him at the same time)
@disciplinedCherry253
Oh no, I know exactly how you feel! I’ve been through the same emotional journey that you’re experiencing now. Everything can seem just perfect in many ways, but then differing perspectives on certain things can start to strain a relationship. I recently broke up with my ex too, and we were very much in love with each other. We shared the same goals, but in our case, we were simply at different stages or 'phases' in life.
We had different views on what 'clean' meant in a household, which sometimes led to arguments. He still lives at home, while I moved out many years ago (we’re both 26). He tended to say more than he actually delivered. He made a lot of promises, but in reality, it was hard to see him follow through on them, not just for me, but for us.
The way I handled a breakup was simply by continuing to move forward on my life journey. Breakups are tough in general, no matter who made the decision. If you have hobbies, keep pursuing them, spend time with your friends, and with time, you will heal!
@MorningDewHorizon thank you lov! It is soothing to hear shared experiences ! and similar views.. I feel less like an odd unusual mess aha.
I'll keep diving into the hobbies and activities idea..
How did you handle the No-Contact part in your case?
We called 4 days ago to decide it, and agreed for 3 months (both crying on the phone).
And I feel like I'm losing my mind.
I used to think of him/something to tell him/ask him *4-5 times a day*. +the daily life of living together. He's been my closest person
for 4 years; my 'family', lover but also totally my best-friend. How do I
go from texting him multiple times a day to nothing?! without losing
my sanity?
As soon as I went 'no-contact,' I muted him on all social media. Blocking didn’t feel right for me, but I made sure to mute him. After that, I focused on doing what I usually enjoyed: spending time with friends. I tried to keep myself constantly distracted to forget about him. Today, I feel much better, but in the beginning, there was a strong urge to check up on him, to see if he was doing okay. However, that’s something you really need to avoid!
I know what you’re going through is tough, and your feelings are completely valid. Four years is a long relationship, and you’ve built a strong bond that is now broken. But try to avoid anything that reminds you of him, mute him on all platforms, and keep yourself busy.❤️🩹💕
Lot of love!