Fresh breakup
Hi, I’m new to this app but I just don’t know what to do anymore. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years. We were absolutely codependent and I realize that isn’t the healthiest bust we have spent every single day together since the pandemic started, and he lived in my apartment. Two days ago he broke up with me seemingly out of nowhere after saying he has been struggling very badly for the past year and a half. A big part of why he broke up with me is because he thought it would be best for both of us but especially me because he could see that his mental health was affecting me. The issue is he’s helped me through my mental struggles before and I told him to let me help him and handle what I know I can handle but it seems that he didn’t trust me enough to let me follow through. It was a sudden and very sad break with both of us crying and saying we still love eachother. It’s like he went through a complete mental snap and kept saying “I know this is what has to happen”. We both said we need eachother in our lives still and if he gets himself better maybe we could try again in the future. About 45 minutes after breaking up with me he had all his stuff packed and left, and immediately deleted almost all social media because he said he only had them for/because of me. I have now decided to go no contact for a week to help the healing process for both of us. I’m just so scared of losing him for good and I’ve never felt this way i’m my life I can’t get him out of my head but i’m scared that he isn’t hurting the way i am and i’m scared he may not care. I know his mental health is a big part of this struggle I just don’t know how he could do this to me. He’s promised me our whole relationship he would never ever break up with me and I believed him because I believed (and still believe) that he would never try to hurt me on purpose. Before this break happened, we had our problems like every relationship, but to me they were normal. It’s like he convinced himself in his head that he was destroying me and he is now convinced that this is his last chance to get his life together even though I told him he’s only 22 and he’s still young. He is now trying to figure out his living situation and then says he will get professional help, I just hope he does because if not this will have all been for nothing especially since we talked about him going to therapy six months ago. I’m mostly scared that he will cut contact with me and not try again even though he promised he wouldn’t do that I’m not sure how much I can trust him anymore. I just want what we had back. It’s ironic because the day he broke up with me in an impulsive decision, we were supposed to have a cute date night that he planned out. I’m just so confused
@maddiecherry64 just focus on your self for the time being hopefully you will heal and move on from this sorry it ended.
Hi maddiecherry64, I am so sorry you have to go through the pain. I would make sure that you do have a supportive group around you whether is family or friends. It would be a difficult situation to manage at this point all by yourself due to all emotions running high and hit at the wrong timing. My first relationship for 10 years broke off the same timing as you did. I just want you to know that you are not alone and it is not ur fault it happened. I do understand how confusing the situation is and where is this heading in future. I would suggest you not to rush the process by calling him and begging whilst demanding answers. I did that twice and it make things even worse. So I would suggest everytime the temptation hits, immediately distract yourself with your close support system. I may be new to all these breakups but one thing I do know is exactly how painful it is. At this moment, as cliché as it sounds we need to focus on ourself instead. Do something that will improve our personal life such as learn a new skills. Yes I am still a walking dead person but I still want you to allow yourself to have your self worth level tip top ok. I wish you all the best and remember everything will be alright eventually and likewise..
Write letters to him and send them to your best friend or sister, but NOT to him. This wil help you get over the "fix". Your loved ones will tell you if sending this letter to him is healthy. It rarely is. He left. He is on the run. Give him time to miss you, to think through his impulsive decision. I'm giving you yhis advice to remind myself to do the same.