Forced to break up with my girlfriend, because of her controlling parents.
Back in March of last year, i met the perfect girl. We both loved each other, we called each other every day, multiple times a day, often talking for over an hour. She was open with me about her trauma. There were even discussions of us getting engaged.
The only problem was with her parents. My girlfriend is 25 but her parents were just awful. They were controlling and abusive. They barely even let her out of the house without permission. They didn't even let her get her license and she has to have a chaperone. She always vented to me about them
Then abruptly one day, her parents tell me they confiscated her phone. They won't let her talk to me. They never tell me anything about her or let me see her. It's been 5 months and i miss her more and more every day.
I'm not doing well. At all. Some days i don't even feel like getting out of bed from how much i miss her.
@persistentWalker5484
Hello. Do I guess it right all the things you describe are connected very specifically with the culture or religion of your country? In the realities I know people become fully adult when they are 18, and sometimes they might be still financially dependant on their parents, but taking someone's freedom (or phone) in general is a crime and can be prosecuted.
I am sorry to hear it looking as if your fiancée had no freedom to decide by herself, and you finding yourself in an emotional triangle between her and her parents. Are there any guidelines in your area about how you could take the responsibility for your future wife, in case you wanted to marry? Is there any special custom that you (or your parents?) should come and talk to the parents of your lady?
@jacek73 You'd be correct, i know they're very devout christians but i don't know if it's religious reasons that they control her or if they're just controlling. It's bad, they've hit her before but she can't move out because she doesn't really have the life skills. Like she works a minimum wage job and has never been on her own before. They've also seemed to have pretty much broken her spirit, she just goes along with whatever they say and never deviates from their requests.
@persistentWalker5484,
this definitely sounds like abuse and seems definitely ground for legal action.
Maybe contact social services and see what can be done.
@persistentWalker5484
I believe it is much further than religion or tradition then - especially when you mentioned them beating her - it is abusive and possibly criminal.
The problem is: Is she capable to live without them at all? Being in a relationship takes many things and I believe being wisely independent from parents or friends is crucial for the long-term survival of the relationship.
@jacek73 I really don't know if she is, they've pretty much made her dependent on them by depriving her of certain life skills and not really teaching her to be independent
@persistentWalker5484
I am sorry, but I think some things are still not very clear to me:
Have you ever met this girl in person, not like talking to her on the phone or via video call apps?
She is 25, but she cannot leave home alone? Are there any objective circumstances for that, like e.g. her being partially disabled, traumatized or having panic attacks (apart from her parents' attitude, which might be very subjective)?
Actually, being somewhere around 20 we are all not prepared to live independently, but we learn this skill gradually. By experimenting and making mistakes. No one is telling us how to become an independent adult, and between 21 and 26 we've been considered fully mature (enough to get married, have children or candidate for a president).
I believe taking any personal responsibilities, like being in a relationship, takes becoming independent from one's parents and making decisions (most of them together with a partner). Sorry for elaborating on that, but I have the impression it might be related.
Do her parents mind her meeting any people outside at all, any men or just you in particular (because of your argument with them, if I understood it clearly)?
Last but not least, sometimes, when we feel drawn to someone in a difficult situation, I think it might be worth exploring why the situation resonates with us...
@jacek73 Yes, we've met in person. We've hung out at hobby groups, we've had dates but her parents chaperoned each time. They'd sit at an adjacent table from us. The few times we got to hang out alone, i had to pretty much beg them and they'd say no a lot of times
@persistentWalker5484
Thanks for the explanation. I thought I come from quite a fundamentalist Christian European country, but I never supposed it could go so far.
But it also looks like a vicious circle very specifically concerning her situation and negative experiences.