Emotion vs Logic: who do I listen to!

I married my childhood sweetheart after 9 years of dating (started when I was 15) and am married for 13 years now. We live in different continents for work since mid 2019.

During the long distance and pandemic, I got into an affair. I’ve never felt like this before the way I feel in my affair- he fulfils my voids that I was unaware of, he meets my needs that I didn’t even know I had!

The guy is married too with kids. We were on and off for last two years, knowing it’s not right.. still continued again because we are in love. Very recently we decided to plan for a future together and just then he had to leave the country and he can never come to the country where I live now (due to some legal complications). This was the most favourable place where we could be together (we originally are from different countries) and now we have no common place for us.

He is back to his country with his family- looking for jobs all over the world. We’re still together but just don’t know how realistic that is.

My husband doesn’t know about any of this, but I want to confess. Also, once I tell him, I know I will not be able to live with him (and probably I shouldn’t either, I’m not in love with him anymore). I won’t be able to face him anymore or be normal around him or in the marriage.

Also, I still very much want to be with the guy. But it’s so complicated and uncertain.

1. Where will he find the job and when- will I be able to move there
2. How long we can continue the long distance without seeing each other while living in different time zones
3. He can’t just live his family in such uncertainty.. how long will I be able to wait
4. We can’t even talk everyday properly because of the time difference and he has commitments to his family (things are not good with the wife but they’re together for the kids for a very long time)

With all these complications, I should logically break up. He also sees how difficult it is.. but I can’t. Every time we broke up, I was miserable (I got into serious depression) and also ended up together again. I am scared to leave him.. and I love him so much.

My emotions and winning over logic- though I know in the long run- this relationship won’t happen and I will still end up getting hurt.

How to convince myself to break up and deal with that? How to get through this difficult time?