@intuitiveBeach1647
I am sorry you are going through this........
what do you want? do you want her back ? what would change?
if you could go back and fix when would that be? a few years ago before the affair began? when did things start to slip away?
I ask this as so many people facing this sort of thing do not know when and where things fell apart.
I think for a person to step out of a marriage things have not been working for awhile .... cheating is not an accident... but a decision... especially a long term affair....
I understand your devastation and heartbreak and healing takes time. Time to let go of what was or what you thought things would be like .... it has not been that way for awhile....... if she had a foot out of the door for years. I think those feelings linger when the other person has moved on and resolved their feelings and the wound is fresh with you.