Divorce is hard. The understatement of the year.
My husband has been telling me he hasn't been happy for a long time. He brought up divorce on my birthday about 5 months ago and said he had been "faking" being happy for more than 2 years. We haven't been friends in a long time. This past Valentine's Day he told me he had talked to a lawyer about getting divorced. After all these months, I felt relieved. Relief that I finally knew what was going on instead of worrying every day if that was the day I would recieve the papers. We talked about trying to stay together, but even after all of this, he still "doesn't know". He doesn't want to lose me because he doesn't want to be alone. He doesn't want to not see our son everyday even though during the past few months he has barely been around because he has been "trying to figure things out" and his way of doing that is staying out all night at bars, or just "driving" for 6 to 10 hours at a time. Now I feel like he is making me make the decision so he doesn't look like the bad guy. I'm ready to make it. No one deserves to be treated this way, and I don't want my son thinking that this is the right way to treat someone you are supposed to love. It's bigger than just me now, and it is such a hard decision because I believe that a child needs both parents. I have been struggling to find the line between needing both parents and having both parents but being taught bad values. I'm so scared. I've never been truly on my own before, but I deeply feel like this is the best decision. I hope someone out there understands. This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but after thinking about it for so long, I know that it is either now or never, and if I do not do it, I will lose the best parts of myself.
@FindingPeace2015
Divorce IS hard. And it is very difficult to explain this feeling to those who have never gone through such a process. On top of dealing with your own emotional baggage related to this issue, you also have to worry about helping your child maneuver through this drastic family transition. It is hard, so remember to take it easy on yourself during these trying times.
It sounds though that despite the confusion and uncertainty, you know deep down that going through the divorce is the right decision. After all, it will do nobody any good if you and your husband are both miserable all the time. And it is perfectly normal to find this whole thing scary. Essentially, you are going into an unfamiliar terrain, a place where you never thought you would be at. But with time, I think you will realize that being on your own and finding your own happiness again will be beneficial to everyone - especially since you mentioned that you would lose the best parts of yourself if you stayed. All in all, please take care of yourself, first and foremost :) Find support if you can, friends, families - they truly help.
@FindingPeace2015
Words can not express the pain you must be feeling during this time. Holidays are expecially hard when you love someone or at the very least thougth you loved them just last year. I can not imagine this pain. Rejection during holidays is rough. Rejection at all is painful.
For some reason, your husband has changed from the person you married some years ago.Perhaps you both have changed. Right now, you don't know why and that is what is so disconcerting to you, I think.
While you are not understaning his new behavior, you still have the responsibility of your son. You've got to hold on and be a safety net for him while being a safety net for yourself, the household, your job and any other responsibilities you have.
Well, I can say this for sure. If you find yourself needing someone to talk to, get a listener quickly. And if that is not enough, get a therapist here online. I hope you have family and friends near by who can support you through this painful time.
Think about completing 7 cups each day too. Take one day at a time.
Best.......