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Coping With Guilt After Break-Up
littlebluebird523 August 19th, 2015
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Hi Everyone,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post. I'm really struggling with things regarding my recent break-up and I'd love to hear your thoughts. My ex broke up with me two months ago. He told me he didn't love me anymore, he wasn't happy, and wanted to break up. We were long distance and had some rough spots because of lack of time and miscommunication, but I love him so deeply that I was willing to do anything to make it work. When he told me he no longer loved me, my whole world shattered and I became this different person. My insecurities roared in me. I spent the past month begging him and pleading, going through severe depressive episodes, and as hard as it is to admit, even manipulating him with self harm and suicide attempts in hopes that he would come back and save me. I became the "crazy ex-girlfriend" and I don't even know how I got there.

Today he emailed me, confessing his fear and to leave him alone for good. I have and will, but now I'm so overcome with guilt and shame that I don't even know how to move on. I haven't been eating because I feel that I don't deserve to eat. I try not to smile because I feel guilty for expressing joy. After everything I've done, I don't deserve to be happy. I don't deserve anything but this pain. I don't know how to forgive myself for who I've become or even where to start. What do you think?

Thank you so much

5
Seany7411 August 19th, 2015
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I am so terribly sorry for your loss littlebluebird, my heart goes out to you because I have also experienced the guilt, shame, and loss of a messy breakup. We are an emotional species, and I think that when we really love someone, and then are faced with a situation of losing them. I believe that we can act out in irrational ways that normally we would never do. we being humans will always make mistakes. I tend to be at the top of that list a lot. Again I am so sorry for your loss, and for what you are going through. it is important to grieve for your loss, but please don't do it alone! you do deserve to eat! and you deserve to take care of yourself, and to be heard and loved by others! I hope someone more wise than me will be able to give you the advise and help you need. I just wanted you to know that I care. thank you for sharing

AbbyCDEFG August 19th, 2015
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Aw I'm really sorry that this has happened. I went through sort of the same thing, where I had a long distance relationship and he wouldn't talk to me for months, and when he did he broke up with me because it just didn't work out. But of course I had to be the person who still has feelings, and I still do. But I promise you time heals everything, you just have to be willing to be happy. I promise you there is no reason to feel guilty, none of this was in your control. There is someone who is 100% perfect for you in the future. Stay strong :)

azureTangerine6977 August 19th, 2015
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You need to start with a sincere apology to your ex. Then work on being happy by yourself.

AdVictoriam August 19th, 2015
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@littlebluebird523

Do you think you can learn to forgive yourself first?

Here are 3 links to some resources on self-forgiveness when you feel up to it:

Prevention.com

PsychCentral

WebMD

Good luck! You'll get through this.

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