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Broken

brokenangel04 January 13th, 2022

Hey everyone. I was marriage 11.5yrs. Together 13yrs. 3.5yrs ago my husband started this affair with someone he worked with. In order to keep him happy and not lose him, I entered a ployamorous relationship with him and the girl. She left in October and since then my husband started drinking again, started treating me like crap, he just broke. Well she wouldn't talk to us because she wanted to fix her marriage. Apparently she and my husband started talking again end of December ish. He and I havent been in a good place since my breakdown a month ago. I harmed myself terribly. He didn't and still doesn't care. He told me 3weeks ago that he was moving out Feb 1st so he could be alone. That he still loved me and he wasn't disappearing from my life and that our marriage wasn't over.

Well last night while he napped on the couch, my gut told me to look at his phone. So yes, I became that girl. I looked. And I flipped my s***. Found new pictures of his side piece in pornographic ways. I woke him up. Told him to leave. I started packing his things. He then breaks through the bedroom door, gets all sh***y with me and saying terrible things. So I slapped him. He hit me back, I grabbed his hoodie to push him away from me and he used his legs to shove me into the wall. I called my therapist, the mental hospital, the suicide hotline. My therapist was worried about me trying to end things so she called the police. They came. I was honest and told them what happened. They called a crisis guy to my house. He decided I was not at risk and did not need to be committed. The officer arrested me for domestic violence because I hit first. And off to jail I went. He and I can not speak text write or call for 72hrs. Which I'm completely fine with. He will be staying in the upstairs unit til he leaves Feb 1st.


He kept saying I was crazy, and it's my fault that he is leaving, and that all of this is on me. Well, my husband, who thinks he can do no wrong, is a narcissist. Egotistical cheating pathological lying narcissist. And now, I'm hurt physically. Mentally. I can't sleep. And I'm wondering what I did so bad in my life that I deserved all of this?


I'm glad he's leaving. I'm glad and proud of myself for making the choice of throwing him out. And honestly I wish I hit him harder just to make the arrest worth it.


But reality is back and I don't know how to let go and move on. I don't know what I'm suppose to do. I can't medically work. I'm 40yrs old. I have basically zero support system now. Whose gonna want me? What's my purpose? I know God has a plan I do. I just wish he would let me in on it. But for now, what has helped all of you get through a divorce from a mentally, emotionally psychologically and now physically abusive toxic relationship? Im completely broken and after 13yrs of my world revolving around him I feel lost.

2
LavenderHere January 28th, 2022

@brokenangel04 Gosh oh no I am sooooooooo sorry to read and hear about all this. It sounds like a horrible time for you, and I have no words to say, I can't imagine all the terrible stuff you went through and survived. It sounds so unfair that you were arrested because you were violent first, even if he was so horribly violent you could've been seriously hurt. That sounds so traumatising, are you okay physically? Mentally I suppose you aren't, can't imagine otherwise after reading the whole forum post. It sounds so difficult to pick yourself up after being in love with someone for sooo long, going to the point of being in a polyamorous relationship simply to have him in your life and surviving so much of trauma and emoational and now physical abuse, cheating and now you are going to let go of him. It sounds so traumatic and difficult, I hope

For your question-"But for now, what has helped all of you get through a divorce from a mentally, emotionally psychologically and now physically abusive toxic relationship?" -I'm lucky I can't answer this question yet, I'm a teen and haven't gone through a lot of relationships like that. Unfortunately I don't have any advice for you but I am really really proud of you for being so strong, stepping away and now there is a big big big life change. After going through so much, the idea of a family or home has been taken away from you, things are changing. Hopefully for the better, but there is a lot of uncertainity at this point of time. It is alright and normal to feel that way, especially since your mental health and finances aren't exactly stable. If you don't mind me asking, what, if anything will you be able to do now? Is there any place you can go and be safe?
It is so heartbreaking to have to let go of a person your world revolved around, but we are all here for you. If you want to get in touch with a listener you can click here, and unfortunately you won't be able to message me since you're an adult and I am a teen, but I'll be able to reply to your forum posts if you tag me (just type "@LavenderHere "). We are all here for you, and I hope things get better. *sends lots and lots of strength and cookies*
QueenofDistraction January 29th, 2022

Aside from the cheating (that I know of), I've been in the exact situation you are in. My ex husband is a narcissistic a-hole. 13 years for me too! Even though it was a relief once he finally left, I felt all those things as well. It was extremely hard. Crazy how toxic can be that addictive. Stay strong ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•