Break up seems necessary yet impossible
Good evening everybody,
I suffered from depression for many years. I'm better now. I met my wife in 1998 and I do love her, I also care for her. She has an anxiety disorder. This has dragged me down many times for example if I want to do something the least bit "risky" she would warn me of all the things that might happen, killing my enthusiasm. Often I would lose interest in that thing as a consequence.
She is drinking too much alcohol and taking medication too often, I think she mighgt be addicted. This brings out an irritated side of her that I don't like.
I feel, that for me to stay healthy I need to seperate myself from this negative influence. I keep thinking for years that now she might get better and I can be with the person I fell in love with but there's always a new crisis around the corner.
I am desperate and can't come to a decision.
@ichabodJules
Hello, I’m really sorry that you are dealing with this conflict. You’re not alone. If possible, before making any major decisions, it may be best to try to communicate with your wife how you are feeling and the concerns you have and try to work out a solution together. Again, I don’t know your particular situation and if this is possible for you. But I understand that this is a really tough situation and that it’s important to take care of yourself.
wishing you the best. Take care!
@ichabodJules
Hey, it sounds like a really tough situation you're in. I think that ultimately it is your decision in how to deal with this as you've been with you wife for 24+ years now and you know her better than anyone else..
You sound like you've been very tolerant of your partner's behaviors but there's a certain point where you should draw the line. If you feel that your wife is possibly going to harm you or other around her you need to consider getting help.
You also mentioned that she has an anxiety issue, if you think that is what's causing her to drink then maybe that's the issue. Taking her to therapy might work.
Sorry you're going thru this but hopefully this helps!
♥️
@ichabodJules
if you are losing yourself leave ...
waiting for her to be "better" or back....................... is simply not going to happen with every item in life ............crisis or a great experience changes people. each day some experience can make change a person.
i think for couples to work they need to grow together and most do not ... maybe one gets a growth spurt and the partner catches up later
when i hear "i want he or she BACK" to a place where the couple felt was the best time etc.... that is ignoring the growth and changes your partner has experienced.
Thank you all for your words. I have not been in a physically abusive relationship but I think there's a parallel.
When I set my own wishes back I get angry (or depressed) afterwards and want to leave for good. Then I come home from work and we give each other a hug and talk about our day and no part of me wants to leave.
This vicious cycle is draining my energy.
I'd like to update this thread for anyone who's reading this.
It turns out - no matter how hard the subject - you need to talk, talk, talk! My wife actually had thoughts about ending our relationship, too. We were both too afraid to bring it up.
Now that we see eye to eye we have a chance to work through it.