Break up anxiety getting worse...
Three weeks ago, my long term boyfriend broke up with me completely out of nowhere. Two days prior we had been talking about Christmas - we had trips planned to New York and to the country for over the festive period - he had been talking about how much he was looking forward to these.
The reasoning he gave was basically that he was scared and that due to his anxiety he couldn't deal with having someone else's happiness also be dependent upon him. For the last couple of years and up until recently we had always talked as though this was 'it', that we wanted a family etc etc...
I just don't understand it at all? The most hurtful thing as well, is that not once has he contacted me since he did this despite saying he would. I was in touch with him a few times over the first week thinking he would realize what a stupid rash decision he had made and just trying to understand why.
I'm not the only who was shocked - he had only mentioned it to his best friend the day before who told him he'd be stupid to end things as well but he went ahead and did it anyway. Since then his friend has been in relatively regular contact with me and has been a great support telling me what a fool he thinks he is.
I'm just not sure where to go from here. He said when he did this that he still loves me, that his feelings are the same and wants me in his life but since I last contacted him just over a week ago, I haven't made any attempt to since and I've heard nothing. It's so hurtful and makes it feel as though he just doesn't care at all.
I thought the longer we went with NC the easier it would get, but my anxiety seems to be getting worse thinking about why it is he hasn't even asked how I'm doing? I'm scared and just so confused.
Is there any way to stop hoping that he'll be in touch/wanting to contact him and tell him what a fool he is when he isn't?
I think time will help with your yearning to want to contact him. Sometimes when relationships end seemingly suddenly it's natural to want to contact the other person and try and reconcile but I think time will be the best factor in your newly ended relationship. Maybe you could try going out with friends or even spending some time by yourself, rediscover yourself and take this time to try new things. Maybe enroll in school (if you aren't already in school), site see in your town or a nearby town, spend time with friends and family. Time helps a lot.
@SerenityNow325 thank you :) I work full time 14 hour days so fitting things in in between is pretty difficult at the moment. Friends are helping a lot by talking, it's just tricky that most of them live a long way from me! Hoping time will help and that him not being in touch instead of making me miss him, makes me eventually realise that he doesnt care...
@sar112
You're welcome :-) And the importance of the time that you invest in yourself is not to realize that he doesn't care about you, it's in realizing that you care for Yourself. Find happiness in yourself FOR Yourself. :-)
Oh I'm sorry to hear what you are going through @sar112 Its not surprising that your anxiety seems to be getting worse. As you say you don't understand and its natural to seek answers. You know its always hard to be the one who is told that a relationship is over. You don't have time to prepare your self and it comes as a shock.It takes time to come to terms with and you need support and to be gentle with your self. You may not get the answers you want right now.. he may not be able to give you this. So you are right, letting him be, and trying to focus on your own life is probably the best for now. We are here for you. and to talk with a listener may be part of your support. Hugs.
@rozie Thank you Rozie. I caved and sent him an email this morning - wish I hadn't now but he hasn't replied so just makes me realise that despite him claiming to still love me, this clearly isn't true. As hard as it is, it makes me realise I need to focus on me and not someone who doesn't even wcare enough to speak to me
Yes @sar112, you are right, it is time to focus on you.And to be supported by the people around you who love and care for you. As well your daughter will be better able to cope with it all if you are more okay. So please take good care of your self.
