Am I overreacting
Feeling guilty for kicking him out yet again. My husband and I have been separated for 2 years due to his substance abuse and his lying. He said he's been getting his act together and things would change and he would come over to help me out with some things around the house. I asked him not to smoke in the house and when he came up stairs I smelled cigarettes. I asked him to promise not to smoke in the house so when I smelled cigarettes on him he said yes he have a cigarette and I said so you mean snuck uea cigarette. We went around and around in circles and I explained that he was showing me that not only could I not trust him but that he lied about it too so I kicked him out. But it's cold out and it's 11 degrees and I feel incredibly guilty and he's making me feel incredibly guilty for what he feels is an argument over just a cigarette. Am I being too harsh I thought I was being strong for putting my foot down and not tolerating even the slightest of lies anymore but it's cold and now I'm worried about him he does not drive or have a cell phone
It seems to me that your argument, the source of the current situation, is not the fact that he had and/or smoked a cigarette where and when he should not have. It seems to me that your concern relates to his inability to be trustworthy on any level, and his eagerness to lie about whatever he wants to in order to get his way. Clearly, this is a person that holds absolutely NO RESPECT for you, and therein lies the problem.
I hope you have enough respect for yourself not to fall back under the weight of this man's lies. I doubt you've done anything worthy of the level of disrespect it seems that he is causing you to experience. He did this to himself. He should not blame you for standing up for yourself. And you should feel good that you are being a strong advocate for yourself and your own needs. He put himself into the 11 degree weather-- don't blame yourself for his mistakes.
Stay strong!!
@ladylazarus1971
TY. I really really really needed to hear that. He somehow always makes it my fault. But I said if I can't trust you about something so tiny as a cigarette how can I ever trust you about the big things.
TY again for the feedback. I almost went out to look for him. Don't know what I was thinking. Old patterns are hard to break.
Trust me, I know you feel like second-guessing yourself. But try to make sure you remember you are worth basic human respect, if not a whole lot more!
7 Cups is always here to remind you, if the strength starts to fizzle out. ;)
