3 year abusive relationship just ended and it hurts. A lot.
Everything says that I'd feel better after leaving the toxic and abusive relationship I was in but I really dont. I've got a deathly pain in my abdomen and my appetite is completely gone, plus I can't go anywhere without bursting into tears. He hurt me so much, he isolated me, he controlled my every move, but I still love him. I need help.
@agreeablePal7229 no you need support not someone to abuse you. You feel lonely now but you shouldn't put up with that.just make improvements in your own life.and your self esteem.in time you'll realize your better off.
@inventiveFarm5285 thanks. I'll do my best. I have wondered about trying to see if he and i can just be friends. No emotional bullsh.t, just hanging out. Everyone is saying it's a bad idea so maybe im just being thick in the head.
@agreeablePal7229 I tried being friends with an ex and was pouring a bunch of energy into trying because I still had intense feelings for her and how happy and appeciated she had made me feel but she flirted with me while having a boyfriend so cutting off contact is the best call. Even though it sucks because generally the other person seems happier than you, they made the mistakes, you aren't responsible for their actions.
@agreeablePal7229 Been there and even got back to him for four more months, after feeling so proud of myself for finally leaving him, because I really, really loved him. Do you want to know what I felt later, after his first punch in my stomach? I never felt more miserable. Why? Because I misleaded myself, because I put myself into that position again. Me, not he. Me, who finally felt strong and powerful because I had the courage to leave him.
I eventually left him again, tried a suicide. Why? Because I still felt that I loved him, I was so scared that I will turn back to him.
10 years later I know that wasn't love. Love feels very differently. And if my suicide was successful, I would never know that :)
@phannko that's actually really quite helpful. Thank you. I talked to him today and we hung out "as friends" and if anything I think it sort of reminded me why I left. He will never stop trying to get his way but I can't let him.
It's a struggle because you feel this love for someone that almost doesn't exist. Or, they sometimes exist but other times they're completely gone. I also just try remember that if someone really felt love for me, they would let me do what's best for me.
Thank you for sharing your story, I wish you all the best
@agreeablePal7229 I wish it's helpful for real :)
And remember, from someone who believed in the exact same things you believe now - there's no such a thing like friendship with a person like that. You don't need them into your life, because they can't change. Abusive people will remain abusive, and even if they supress it for a while, it will explode in a bigger way soon.
That was said to me from my psychiatrist. And communicating with him in any way is giving him signals that you still love him and that he still have a chance to get you back. No matter what he says, he always thinks that. It's because their minds are messed up and this is part of them not being able to change.
Just give yourself time to heal, all feelings that you feel now will eventually change. You're still in a shock, there's nothing not normal :)
I wish you good luck!
@phannko thanks x I wish you all the best