My story

Hi, I was looking for a place to share my story, and I thought this forum seemed like a good place to start. I hope I’m right.

I was born in Leicester, and my parents were together until I was around three. Then my mum left with me, and we came to London, moving through temporary housing and eventually staying with some of my mum’s family. I don’t remember everything from that time, but over the years, I’ve learned about it through stories my mum shared.

When I was around six, I started having a difficult time with my mum. She was often physically aggressive, using household items and sometimes her hands. I have a few clear memories that still stay with me—things like having my head banged against a wall and being told hurtful things or feeling scared in situations I couldn’t control. Those years had a big impact on me.

My mum later started a new relationship, and when I was seven, I met my dad for the first time. I didn’t feel a real connection with him, and the visit was short. Shortly after, my younger brother was born, and I became a caretaker for him in a lot of ways, even from a very young age. My relationship with my mum continued to be challenging, and eventually, social services became involved. I spent my early teens in various children’s homes, which exposed me to difficult situations, and I often felt I had to fend for myself. I didn’t have role models to guide me, and over time I became involved in risky situations that I’m not proud of.

In my twenties, I started a family of my own. I’ve been through a few relationships, and each has left its own mark on me, often bringing out issues I’m still learning to understand. I have three kids, though I haven’t been able to be as present in their lives as I’d hoped. Those experiences have been painful, but they’re also part of what’s pushed me to try and work through the struggles I face.

In the years since, I’ve been diagnosed with several mental health conditions, including complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder, and depression. There are also things I suspect about myself, such as possibly having ADHD or body image issues, though I haven’t been formally diagnosed. I struggle with authority and have a very strong reaction to any kind of aggression toward children, especially given my own past. Managing anger has been a constant challenge, and I often feel overwhelmed by life’s challenges.

My mum passed away when I was around 34, leaving me with a lot of unanswered questions and a sense of unresolved pain. I have siblings, but unfortunately, we’re not close, and I’ve often felt like the odd one out in my own family.

After many years of homelessness, I’m now in temporary housing, which is a huge relief. I’ve found peace in things like camping and have even been exploring the countryside. Recently, I traveled to a village on the England-Scotland border and was moved by the kindness of strangers there. It reminded me there’s more to life than what I’ve experienced in the past, and I’m hoping to make that a part of my future.

After using ChatGPT, I came across this community and, with a little hesitation, decided to give it a try. I’m hoping to connect with people who can relate, share advice, or even just provide some understanding. A friend who gets it would be amazing.

Thank you for reading my story.

— Leigh aka Unruly