Here's a poem I wrote
You know those graphics they use
To depict depression?
The one with a curled up person
Head covered by hands
A thought bubble over their head
Instead of lines of text, thoughts inside
There is only lines
Black, knotted intertwined
Torn apart by the dark, but somehow connected
Fears of being alone, being rejected
From the only home i know
Dangerous like live wire
Darker than the night sky
Burning like fire
Spreading until it consumes me
Can't put it out
It's just too much
You know those graphics they use
To depict depression?
The one with a curled up person
Head covered by hands
A thought bubble over their head
Instead of lines of text, thoughts inside
There is only lines
I've never related to a picture more
In my entire life
My head is a void of darkness
Tearing myself apart
The ceiling doesn't give the best advice
I could use a therapist to help me get by
But it's not worth the money
Don't have the time
Besides, it didn't work
Didn't fix me up
Too scared to ask
Cuz i know theyll say no
Say i'm being dramatic
Say theyre helping not attacking
Trying to force me to say whats wrong
But i'm not ready
Too weak, not strong
Enough to tell them whats going on
Scared theyll laugh and tell me to get over it
She didn't believe me when i told her
That a creep followed me home
I was scared in that moment
But she laughed in my face
Told me, ‘don't exaggerate’
So that's why i'm scared to tell them
About the SA
What if they react the same way?
What if they laugh it off?
What if they tell me to just move on?
These thoughts echo in my head, dusk til dawn
I tell myself i know i'm safe, but it just feels wrong
My hands, they start to shake
Whenever he’s near
I know that i'm safe, but i'm still filled with fear
I practically have an army of friends
To back me up
But i still feel like he’s going to catch me alone
I know i'm just paranoid
I know i'm safe
But i can't shake the feeling
It's going to happen again
And i'm just going to freeze up
Let him do what he wants
I know that the chances he’ll do it again
Are low, probably nonexistent
But i'm paranoid as ***
Questioning my existence
They say everything happens for a reason
Then why did this happen to me?
Am i that bad of a person?
Do i deserve it?
What did i do?
How can i fix myself?
You know those quotes,
Those inspirational posters
They hang on the walls?
Claiming it'll get easier,
"Just hang in there."
People always say I'll be fine,
But I feel like I’m falling further behind.
Feels like the darkness is taking over my mind—
All the time.
Fighting an uphill battle
That turns into a massacre.
When I rant to my friends,
They say they understand,
And for a moment, they make me feel better.
But deep down,
I feel like a burden,
Like I’m weighing them down
With every word I say.
I don’t know who else to talk to.
My ceiling doesn’t give the best advice,
And the walls just echo back
Everything I don’t want to hear.
I want to get help.
I really do.
But I’m scared to ask.
What if they don’t believe me?
What if they laugh?
What if I’m just another punchline
To a joke I never wanted to be part of?
There are rare times,
Moments when the light feels real.
Laughter that cuts through the dark like a beam of light,
Warmth from a hug that lingers longer than the cold.
But they’re like shooting stars,
Gone before I can make a wish.
Gone before I can really feel
What it’s like to hold on to them.
You know those posters,
Inspirational quotes,
The ones that promise it gets better?
What if they’re wrong?
What if I’m meant to stay here,
Tracing cracks in the void,
Searching for a glimmer
That never comes?