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RandomKai
1 1,575 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts67 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2024 Member sinceAugust 22, 2023
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Song I wrote
Reading & Writing / by RandomKai
Last post
 November 29th
...See more They look at me and dismiss what I am, seeing it as something temporary.   They say it’s just a trend, something that will pass,   But this is a part of me, something that will last for as long as I do But they don’t see the truth, behind my choices, because it’s not a choice When I try to explain, but it’s in vain, can’t hear myself above their voices, saying It’s just temporary  It’s just a trend You're tryna be extraordinary Don't you pretend To be something you're not Can't think my own thoughts Every dismissal feels like a bruise, a constant weight.   Their lack of understanding makes me red in the face   I am more than what they see, beyond their superficial view.   I’m navigating my own path, trying to stay in tune With the music inside Contrast to their own But they just say  Watch your tone Maybe one day they’ll understand the depth of my identity,   This journey isn’t fleeting, it’s a core part of who I am.   I will stand firm in my truth, I’m not being led astray  By their complaints and boredom, this is all they say It’s just temporary  It’s just a trend You're tryna be extraordinary Don't you pretend To be something you're not Can't think my own thoughts Without them judging me  Nudging me, trying to get a reaction And when I finally speak my voice, try to take action They shun me and say It’s all fake You're a girl in this world It’s always the same response everytime  I try and speak my mind They ask me what I'm thinkin Then proceed to answer Their own question As if they know whats going on in my head…  I finally found someone who says… It’s not temporary  It’s not a trend You're extraordinary It’s not pretend Be proud of who you are, always in my heart~ So next time my parents say How much they think i'm faking I'll remember  It’s not temporary  It’s not a trend I am extraordinary It’s not pretend And I’m proud… of who I am  Indefinitely 
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Here's a poem I wrote
Reading & Writing / by RandomKai
Last post
 November 20th
...See more You know those graphics they use  To depict depression? The one with a curled up person  Head covered by hands  A thought bubble over their head Instead of lines of text, thoughts inside There is only lines Black, knotted intertwined Torn apart by the dark, but somehow connected Fears of being alone, being rejected From the only home i know  Dangerous like live wire  Darker than the night sky Burning like fire Spreading until it consumes me  Can't put it out  It's just too much You know those graphics they use  To depict depression? The one with a curled up person  Head covered by hands  A thought bubble over their head Instead of lines of text, thoughts inside There is only lines I've never related to a picture more In my entire life  My head is a void of darkness Tearing myself apart The ceiling doesn't give the best advice I could use a therapist to help me get by  But it's not worth the money Don't have the time Besides, it didn't work Didn't fix me up Too scared to ask Cuz i know theyll say no Say i'm being dramatic Say theyre helping not attacking Trying to force me to say whats wrong But i'm not ready Too weak, not strong Enough to tell them whats going on Scared theyll laugh and tell me to get over it She didn't believe me when i told her That a creep followed me home I was scared in that moment But she laughed in my face Told me, ‘don't exaggerate’  So that's why i'm scared to tell them About the SA What if they react the same way?  What if they laugh it off?  What if they tell me to just move on? These thoughts echo in my head, dusk til dawn I tell myself i know i'm safe, but it just feels wrong My hands, they start to shake Whenever he’s near I know that i'm safe, but i'm still filled with fear I practically have an army of friends  To back me up But i still feel like he’s going to catch me alone I know i'm just paranoid I know i'm safe But i can't shake the feeling It's going to happen again And i'm just going to freeze up Let him do what he wants I know that the chances he’ll do it again Are low, probably nonexistent But i'm paranoid as *** Questioning my existence They say everything happens for a reason Then why did this happen to me? Am i that bad of a person? Do i deserve it? What did i do? How can i fix myself? You know those quotes, Those inspirational posters They hang on the walls? Claiming it'll get easier, "Just hang in there." People always say I'll be fine, But I feel like I’m falling further behind. Feels like the darkness is taking over my mind— All the time. Fighting an uphill battle That turns into a massacre. When I rant to my friends, They say they understand, And for a moment, they make me feel better. But deep down, I feel like a burden, Like I’m weighing them down With every word I say. I don’t know who else to talk to. My ceiling doesn’t give the best advice, And the walls just echo back Everything I don’t want to hear. I want to get help. I really do. But I’m scared to ask. What if they don’t believe me? What if they laugh? What if I’m just another punchline To a joke I never wanted to be part of? There are rare times, Moments when the light feels real. Laughter that cuts through the dark like a beam of light, Warmth from a hug that lingers longer than the cold. But they’re like shooting stars, Gone before I can make a wish. Gone before I can really feel What it’s like to hold on to them. You know those posters, Inspirational quotes, The ones that promise it gets better? What if they’re wrong? What if I’m meant to stay here, Tracing cracks in the void, Searching for a glimmer That never comes?
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