June 23rd- Let It Go Day Community Discussion

The following is a recap of a discussion led by @Minionator in honor of Let It Go day on June 23rd, 2015. The discussion focused on acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go.

See the full schedule of discussions and notes here!

Question 1: What do you think of when you hear the following: acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go?

Many listeners agreed that these words meant freedom. They also related the words to a sense of empowerment- no longer carrying the burdens of the past to have a brighter future. Listeners also seemed to agree that acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go do not mean accepting when someone has wronged you, nor to accept what someone has done. These words stand for getting peace from things that may hold you back for a brighter future. @Vixiana sums it up beautifully saying:

?[Acceptance, forgiveness, and letting go are ways] to let go of negatives feelings from the past, of situations you can no longer change, in order to be able to carry on into the future with a smaller ...burden bag.? -@Vixiana

Question 2: How important is being socially accepted to you?

Although listeners varied widely on how they felt about the need to be socially accepted (some felt it was of very little importance; others said it was mildly important for them; and some rated being socially accepted as very important), it seemed like the majority of listeners felt that acceptance within society is very important. A major reason note for social acceptance being important was knowledge of mental illness (like social anxiety) to decrease stigma and increase awareness.

?It depends on where you are if you are in a job its kind of important but if its in the city where you live its not that important? -@Lissymay

Question 3: What would you suggest to friends and acquaintances who suffer from social anxiety?

Participating listeners all agreed that it is important to find a balance between being true to yourself and being what society pressures us to conform to. Other listeners encouraged those suffering from social anxiety to just be themselves. Another important point that listeners pointed out was the necessity of finding the root cause of social distress, rather than just treating symptoms of social anxiety.

?I think it's important to get to the root of the social anxiety, and the cause of why you feel anxious- otherwise you can't change much.? -@Katheryn

Question 4: Considering that some say there is a correlation between acceptance and happiness, do you think accepting something can help you achieve happiness?

Opinions varied on this question. On one hand, listeners agreed that acceptance can bring happiness. On the other hand, other listeners didn?t relate acceptance and happiness so closely. Some said that acceptance brings peace rather than happiness. Some even gave examples of situations when acceptance and happiness did not go together at all. One example given was accepting a parting of ways with someone as a type of sacrifice that might bring a person pain rather than happiness.

Question 5: Can self-acceptance lead to happiness? If so, how did it help you gain happiness?

Listeners had some very thoughtful comments about this question. Some listeners believed that happiness was something that was difficult to recognize in the moment. That perhaps happiness was a feeling more likely to be appreciated after the fact. There was, however, a common theme among all comments made by listeners: it is important to accept the person that we are in the moment. As @QuickJazz says:

?I think self-acceptance can be extremely powerful and help us in many ways, not just with living happily. If we are able to accept ourselves, it removes things such as self-hatred and other internal ills we may suffer. We can find peace with ourselves, and start moving and coping in ways healthier to us.? -@QuickJazz

Question 6: Seeing as acceptance is very subjective, do you think acceptance is a choice that you have?

The initial reaction to this question was agreement. Some listeners believe that everything is a choice, including acceptance. Another listener (@Katheryn) said that it isn?t acceptance that is the choice, but rather the choice is whether one tries to accept or not. Many listeners pointed out the troubles that choosing not to accept can bring- for example grudges. Others further explained that grudges only hold back the person holding onto them. A general consensus agreed that:

?Acceptance is a subjective matter and solely depends on a person's choice of accepting something or not. And choosing to accept will help you to walk on the path of Peace and Calm and make you more composed.? -@Minionator

Question 7: Is forgiveness similar to reconciliation, forgetting, or excusing someone or something?

Most listeners believed that there are definitely differences between these terms. They said that forgetting is just not remembering which can lead to the same hurt coming up when you remember. Forgiveness, contrarily, is about letting go of that anger. Even more, it is seeing that, although people make mistakes, there is enough good qualities that you still want them to be a part of your life. Forgiveness is, as @FlowOfSuccess123 analogizes it, putting down the hot coal that is only burning your own hands. Many listeners also agreed that forgetting is more difficult than forgiving most times.

Question 8: How important is self-forgiveness? What is your experience with self-forgiveness?

This question hit home with many listeners. They were asked to dig into their own histories of self-forgiveness. As always, our listeners came up with a great response to this question. As far as importance, listeners said that self-forgiveness is very important; however, listeners also agreed that self-acceptance is really difficult. Some listeners even said it is more difficult to forgive themselves than to forgive someone else. @Shris87 pointed out that until one forgives themselves, it is much more difficult to move past that moment and to become a better person. @Katheryn also said that not forgiving yourself can put you in an endless cycle of guilt and regret. One quote from the discussion that really answered the question of how important is self-forgiveness?

?[Self-]forgiveness is a form of peace, a form of love that you nature deep within oneself. Self-forgiveness is very important. It implicates [that you] understand your actions, to heal the damage.? -@Mysteriousoul

Question 9: Thinking about someone you would want to receive forgiveness from or someone you want to forgive, how does forgiving or not forgiving affect you?

Another fantastic question that is met with some awesome responses from our listeners. One listener shares a personal experience about struggling to forgive someone. Some believe that holding a grudge only hurts the person holding onto it. Your anger at another person may not even be recognized by that person, but you are still stuck with the anger if you don?t forgive and move on. Other listeners share a slightly different opinion. They encourage the person to do what is best for them. @Katheryn says that everyone needs to do what is right for them. Sometimes the right thing for you may be to forgive and sometimes I may be better for you to just live without that person in your life. @alfonsojon1997 made a great point saying that it can be harder to forgive yourself when the person you wronged has not forgiven you.

?If you can throw a smile when they have hurt you the most and you tell them "I forgive you". I think this is the most powerful weapon you can have against them!? -@Mysteriousoul

Question 10: What steps do you think could be taken to receive another?s forgiveness?

The first step to asking for forgiveness, according to listeners, is admitting that you did something wrong. Owning up to your mistakes is sometimes very difficult, but it is so important when asking for forgiveness. Then you really must show them that you are sorry and try to gain back the trust you may have lost. Thirdly, listeners point out, your apology must be genuine and you should only apologize if you truly mean it. Apologies are NOT equivalent to excuses. Another important thing is to make sure your mistake doesn?t happen again. Perhaps the most difficult step is waiting and respecting whatever decision the person makes. Here are the steps:

1.Admit you did something wrong.

2.Genuinely ask for forgiveness.

3.Apologize only if you mean it.

4.Work on improving yourself.

5.Make sure you don?t repeat your mistake.

6.Wait for the person?s decision.

?The value of your apology is like a currency; it'll mean nothing if you use it everywhere.? -@alfonsojon1997

Question 11: What does it mean to let go? How easy/ difficult is it to do this?

Listeners defined letting go as the process of accepting and moving on. Letting go is dependent on what was done and it can vary from person to person. Most listeners agree that letting go can be very difficult?especially if it really went against your deepest values. A lot of participating listeners agreed, however, that letting go can be an important step towards gaining your own happiness.

?Let go is a process and for some maybe easier and smoother and others lengthy and extremely hard. For myself, I am still learning to get better with letting go but it's not easy at all.? -@shris89

Question 12: What does letting go entail and how can it be made easier?

A lot of listeners described letting go as removing a weight from your chest. Listeners made a clear distinction between forgiving and forgetting. They said that forgiveness allows trust to be earned back, while forgetting allows the same mistakes to happen over and over again. Forgetting, listeners say, is much harder than forgiving. One listener (@JelayMe) summed it up by saying that letting go means accepting that there are things that you could not control in the past and there will be in the future.

Question 13: What would you say to a friend who is trying to move on from a difficult situation?

Below is some of the advice listeners said that they would give:

?[It] may seem the end of the world right now, but soon you'll [realize] it [isn?t].? -@Ritu

?[There] is my mother's mantra: ?Water off a duck's back.?"-@ThePufferFish

?Embrace. Walk towards what you're trying to let go. Try not to run away from it, that's not letting go. Walk up to it, look at it, embrace how you feel, acknowledge how you feel, work on ways to soothe how you feel (take some down time, self-care, etc) and really know that it's okay to feel bad/angry/hurt/etc and then focus on [realizing] that you'll get through it, keep that positive self-talk and energy, have courage and confidence... and then you may find it disappears.? -@QuickJazz

?Forgiving to me is just a weak acceptance of others' mistakes, without a consensus on getting a better relationship with them. That ended up hurting me in the end. I would always place fixing at a much higher place, which includes talking, understanding and accepting.? -@sensiblegrapefruit

Thanks to all who could attend our discussion in honor of Let It Go day and we hope to see even more join are fantastic community discussions!

Tags: @QuickJazz @FlowOfSuccess123 @Johnny20 @alfonsojon1997 @Vixiana @Dhara94 @Katheryn @LissyMay @wonderfulPumpkin71 @Mysteriousoul@BrittanyLove @BlinkyBlinks @caringSmiles20 @Ritu @AutumnLeigh @Shris87 @ThePufferFish @Suzannne @JelayMe @Raebay @Minionator @Gracey