Psychology Today: Building Boundaries
"Our time and energy are finite resources—valuable assets we need to complete our life tasks and responsibilities. We need to protect these valuable, life-sustaining assets by building and enforcing boundaries.
Many of us have been saying yes for so long that we’re afraid that saying no might come as an unpleasant and unexpected shock to the people in our lives who depend on and lean on us.
The downside of doing for others
We get stuck in patterns of people-pleasing, saying yes when we wish we’d said no. The last thing we want is to offend friends, family members, or associates by appearing selfish, or uncaring. At work, we want to be seen as hardworking, professional, dedicated team players. And in our personal lives, we like to be thought of as nice, generous, and kind.
Doing for others comes with a big downside. It leaves us depleted and exhausted, with no time to take care of our own responsibilities.
Basic boundary-setting
By definition, a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line. The purpose of a boundary is protection. Just as we place boundaries around property, and limits or lines not to be crossed with respect to how others treat us for our own protection, we must also create limits or boundaries to protect our finite resources of time and energy.
Setting boundaries involves deciding when and where you will draw a line around your time and energy. Once you’ve decided on your boundaries, you will need to communicate these new limits to the relevant people in your life.
Boundaries and guilt
As you begin to enforce your boundaries, you may find yourself struggling to muster up the courage to say no. And when you do say no, you will likely feel guilty for doing so. Here’s what guilt is all about: Guilt is a sign that someone wants something from you that is different than what you want for yourself.
Giving from your overflow, not from your well
Over time, saying no will become a little easier. You will soon see the benefits of more control over your time and energy. You won’t end up feeling depleted and diminished by making promises or sacrifices that leave you depleted and disappointed in yourself.
Five steps to building boundaries
- Align yourself with the way you need and wish to spend your time and energy.
- Share your new limits with those who may have become over-reliant on you.
- Stand up for yourself and the limits you have placed on your time and energies.
- Reinforce your boundaries by saying no when you need to.
- Remember, when you feel guilty for turning down a request, it’s a sign that you are putting yourself first.
Read the full article here!
Reflection:
How has building boundaries helped you in your life?
#Boundaries #Support #Guilt #MentalHealth
@comfortableNight4463
I've always grown up with the sense that we should be always doing something for others and this can lead to a mindset that's very people pleasing. This often leads to burnout and times when you feel as if you don't want to do anything for anyone. Additionally it can lead to a lot of negative emotions as well.
I think its great to have posts like these to bring awareness to how to self-care ways that we can be in the best position to help others in the future as well.
