The Abyss

This black hole of despair is tearing me apart,

A gravitational pull so strong I can feel it ripping the the strands of my soul after removing my heart.

Completely destroyed with an empty void,

How is it even possible to still feel the despair like it's still there, cruel joke no point.

Sadness tears apart at the very fabric,

An undoing of existence you can't even fathom.

No John Lennon moment because you couldn't imagine.

How did this happen, time goes fast.

Death by a thousand cuts is the answer.

The pain from the past, keeping up pace,

With the current asswhooping to you're taking in current day.

Never fair in the first place,

Usain bolt blessed with a turtle race,

Running backward rubbing it in your face,

How your a disgrace and you ain't worth the space, wipe the fake smile of your face, bc you were never really important in the first place.

So you stop mid flight, look up to realize,

Your two steps behind where you were the first time, the tug of that abyss cut your heat strings and overtook your mind.

The constant negativity, that expels out of me, like a beam, of self defeating, demeaning, enemy of me, the defeats me and doesn't have to lift a pinky.

I beat my self like I'm its bouncer with out an ounce of care, feeling like there's no one out there, except the perfection I've been chasin for the last 20 years, the one that cause me to walk around the house trying to fight every mirror, side step my responsibility to fight all my fears, every night full of tears, bombarded by their laughter and jeers.

No Phoenix in me to rise again, 

The ashes ain't surviving the wind, couldn't humpty dumpty myself no king no men.

Tathered and battered by the cost of my sin, 

Don't know how to fix being less than human,

Sitting around listening to music, 

To drown out the nuisance, 

Of being useless no need for prudence,

Hard to look at it and say haven't been a burden to you,

But at least the heart that I gave away was true,

Had an underdog pure exuberance to it. 

Getting stabbed with his heart in his hand,

Trying to reach out for you to grab,

To show that he matters,

Just for you to pull it away and label him chutes and ladders. 

Because for everyone but him it was game,

He wasn't invited to play in, 

He was just a pawn, to get by until a better player came along.

Started as a kid, not wanting to exist, bc the paradoxical abyss, started way back then,looks likes hes finally getting his wish.To fly away to a place where he can just get away,

From the sadness and the pain, and funeral music that's playing, and the constant reminder that this life isnt worth it to him, so he decided hes giving in, no more living in, this prison sentence, that he somehow is both the warden and inmate for, see pointless, like a circle, time for me to go, I have some more to feed this black hole before I'm completely consumed ripped apart and torn until I'm so scattered across the galaxy I can never be reborn.