OUR ORIGINAL POETRY: Share It Here

I Want to Die

A spoken-word poem

I used to think I was ready to die.

I wanted to leave my life behind,

A washed up seashell in the shore along the ocean of sadness and guilt.

I wanted to swim again and not choke on my anxieties, or responsibilities, or friendships, or my hopes and fears.

Death was to be my boat,

I would finally be able to swim again in a new ocean, a shallow ocean, an ocean called freedom.

I could leave everything behind because it no longer mattered,

I no longer mattered.

But instead of getting advice on how to live instead of dying,

I go to school to learn what to do while I live.

Wait, I dont go to school Im forced to go school,

No, force is too small of a word.

I was unwillingly willed to go learn about the Socratic equation,

I was told it was mandatory to learn the core subjects,

Math,

English,

Science,

History,

None of them teaching me how to deal with my anxieties,

Or how to keep on living in a world that is already dead.

I am forced to go to school with a smile on my face and a hug in my arms,

While inside Im screaming at myself for being so blind.

Im clenching my fists 30-40 times,

Digging my nails into my already frayed skin,

Sinking deeper,

And deeper,

And deeper,

Until finally I drown inside my own head.

But I dont drown,

I dont die,

I only gasp for air inside an eternity,

I only make myself struggle to the top because as it turns out I was not ready to die.

If love is so easy why is it so hard for someone to fall?

In the pursuit of happiness I found my demon.

Hello, it said.

My name is Depression.

Then it took my hand and sat me on the far side of Bliss.

And I stayed there.

Pursuing the illusion of happiness.

I didn't know breathing can help start your path , this is great

Today something reminded me of the first poem I've ever written and shared here. It was short and not particularly good, but it was the start of a beautiful passion. Now, a couple of months later I have written a lot of poetry and experimented with many different things. What I want to share now is also somewhat of an experiment; I've written something very similar to my first poem, the message remains the same but the story telling is different (and hopefully improved). Anyhow, here it is.

Web of lies

Exhausted and beaten down, he stopped to look in the mirror
The events of the day had weakened his mask
As he looked closer, he noticed little cracks appearing
Little cracks in this once so solid mask he made for himself
'This will protect me' He had said
'This will keep me safe'
Panic arose when the mask started to crumble
It would take years to make another
But what other option was there truly
He knew he couldn't show his true colors to the world
He wasn't sure he even had true colors anymore
They were probably long gone, lost in this ingenious web of lies
As he ran home he desperately tried to cover his face
The face that hadn't seen the sun in so many years
People stared as they watched the man they thought they knew
Fall into the deep darkness of despair
All this time he had hid himself in a comforting lie
Now the lie was gone and what remained
Was a scared and lonely man
So scared of rejection he'd rather pretend to be something he's not
But now the truth was out
The lie was done
And he was left with the damaged shell of the man he had become

I told myself I would never love you again

But all the thoughts if it went in vain

You are that dream I buried alive

To Be happy I daily strive

I was happiest when I was with you

I am happy now but the happiness is not true

Moments I spent with you were pleasurable

Every thing with is memorable

I get weak and sometimes it's you all I want

You will never be there ever

These thoughts always haunt

Months became years so soon

Life without is not a boon

I remember those lovely eyes of yours

Those walking hand in hand by the shores

Remembering you is not wise I know

I still am not able to forget you though!

[Trigger Warning: Cutting]

Time to go home

The final bell rings

Conversations in the hall begin to sing

I flee to my friends

Hoping this feeling will never end

The feeling of home and comfort

Then the feeling of fear as the phone rings

Realizing she's here I hurry away

I get in the car only to hear her say

Nothing, the silence is brutal but short

We walk into our home then I'm in court

The yelling begins and I'm forced to sit there and take it

Her words are even more brutal than the silence and I can not shake it

I lie and say "I have homework I should do"

So I rush to my room

after crying for an hour

I realize she's right

And I draw on my skin against my might

With my favorite color red

The next day I get out of bed

she acts like nothing happened

I try to be mad

But my heavy heart of gold

knows I can't she is my mom after all

I basically crawl

through the day then the cycle starts again.

Sorry I'm not good at poetry

Memories

I think back
To those times
Back then I was on the right track
Now I'm just trying to find rhymes

The past is filled with regret
Poor decisions, missed opportunities
And broken words left unsaid
I said goodbye to all my securities

Watched them disappear slowly
In this abyss of despair
Until there was nothing left to see
Please tell me where

Can I find the exit
To this cruel place
I am trapped in this dark pit
Of memories that know no face

Darkness.

The sheer silhouette, of the empty, soulless, ominous substance sped past me like a lightening bolt in a thunder storm.

My body began to shake and quiver against the cool atmosphere. I felt my knees slowly collapsing to the superiority of the treacherous scenery.

My lungs burst into a fit of screaming pleas, begging for an ounce of nirvana to kick in and send my body in a whirlpool of serenity.

My eyes blinded by the ear piercing solitude of the room.

As my soul reached out and screamed for a release, a narrow talk figure stood at the opposite side of the room.

Light began to flood the room rapidly, and warmth embraced my shivering body. A long narrow smile was placed on the figures lips as he suddenly snapped his fingers.

Water crashed into the scenery, as my lungs were suffocating, begging for a release.

The being slowly approached me and with a swift motion ripped out my entire being. He left nothing but the skin and bones on my body as I became still and lifeless.

Slowly, the light began to disperse as the figure slowly disappeared with the same sinister smile.

Once again, all that was left was..

Darkness.