Here's my new poem tell me a rating 1-10 don't hold back and give me constructive feedback
The first time we met, let’s just say,
You were background noise on a busy day.
No violins, no angel choir,
Just “Hi, I’m me,” and zero fire.
But the second meet? Oh, hold the phone,
Did you always have that jawline shown?
Was your wit this sharp? Were your jokes this good?
Who let you glow up in my neighborhood?
The universe clearly forgot to shout,
“Hey, look again, you’re missing out!”
Because now I’m staring like, “Wait, who’s this?”
And you’ve gone from “meh” to “can’t resist.”
Did you always smell like cookies and dreams?
Or walk like a star of rom-com scenes?
Was I blind? Or just half-awake?
Because now my heart’s doing double takes.
So here we are, the second debut,
Turns out, I’m kind of obsessed with you.
Lesson learned: love’s got a weird beat,
Sometimes it’s late—like at second meet.
@Rebeccabanana I’m loving this! It's like a poetic rollercoaster of realizing that someone went from “background noise” to “wait, where have you been all my life?” The twist of surprise and that slow-burn realization is so fun, and the playful tone makes it all the more endearing. The “cookie and dreams” line? Chef’s kiss. You’ve captured that moment of second-chances and second-glances perfectly! Keep the magic flowing, I’m here for it! I can’t quite remember if it was a poem, a song, or something a friend once told me—but it’s about that new love that feels old, like it’s always been there but you’re just seeing it in a new light. Ugh, my brain’s not helping me recall exactly, but that’s how your poem feels. It’s like when love comes in, and you don’t have to fight for it to be yours—you realize it was always yours. Like it was there the whole time, and just acknowledging it makes it all click into place. You know the feeling, right? Well, that’s exactly the vibe the love in your poem gives off!
@azurePond Okay, so I’m definitely no expert poet, just someone who dabbles in poetry here and there, but if I were to rate your poem, I’d give it a 9/10! It’s really creative, fun, and totally relatable. The line “Who let you glow up in my neighborhood?” seriously made me smile. The rhymes and flow are great too, you’ve got a really nice rhythm going.
The reason for the 1 point reduction is just because there’s always room for a little more growth, right? The way you incorporate everyday phrases and humor really makes the poem shine, but I think you could take the imagery a step further. For example, I loved the “background noise on a busy day”—it’s a simple image but elevated in the way you used it here. Some of the other imagery, like “cookies and dreams,” “rom-com scenes,” or “blind” and “half-awake,” could be pushed a little further. I think you’ve already shown you have the ability to do that with the “background noise” line, so I’m confident you could take those other images to a new level too. The angel choirs and violins are a bit cliché, but you elevated them here in such a clever way, so I know you’ve got the creative power to do that with the rest of the imagery too.
Overall, I really enjoyed this piece! With just a bit more depth to some of the imagery, it’ll be even stronger. Keep up the awesome work—you’re doing great!
@Rebeccabanana I'm not a poet
But your style of writing uses tools of literary well , nice use of figures of speeches. Use of modern words and slangs , a auroma of witty personality , it's perfectly fit for a teenager's way of putting out things. Nothing dramatic, nothing too laid back or too serious , a in between wordplay , but it might mean a lot to the right person. Good job !!
If I had to recommend something , I'd say read more of such works from modern poets who make special use of our way of speaking. Adding articulation of a few stanza/stanzas would make it more appealing to me , it's like a mix of old and new.
It's a fun little wordplay , I'd say instead of trying to follow a way of writing create your own , i think any big writer would tell you the same ... Their way of thinking , talking , body language and expressing their thoughts in a entertaining , poetic and literary way is what makes them writers... Unique to their own style. I'd say expand onto it .. write more , read more , just do more !!
Good luck
@MotivatedVergil
An 7/10 ... I would like to see more depth onto it... Adding something emotional , like breakups and expressing how one might feel about it but still keep the witty and fun writing... It becomes more realistic , express more to the people , they do so when they can relate more to their own experiences when they read something. So create more wordplays involving incidents that are relatable. (Maybe you have already written such , i couldn't quite get it then , being a boy and all)
@Rebeccabanana wow! it,s too good Rebecca I can feel the intensity in ur words
@Rebeccabanana
It is a very good and tightly written poem. I refrain from giving a number to it as, just like a poem, such a reference is subjective. Also, any value short of 10 is always going to feel a smidge disappointing and make one feel there is something wrong, which is not necessarily the case, (this should not be read as me either saying I would or would not have given 10). Instead I would counsel to look to the comments given by @azurepond (ignore their humble protests about not being an expert poet), @MotivatedVergil, and Newton420; see how your poem was received and how enthusiastically appreciated it is. Did it convey what you hoped it would? Has it engendered the feelings and ideas you envisioned, or have others found interpretations you did not contemplate but which please you?
Ultimately, are you happy with it? If it feels finished to you and requires no further polishing, and those you show it to enjoy it, then be proud. If you wanted to convey a message with it, did people pick up on the themes you intended? At the end of the day, the number probably isn't that important. What counts is how your poem makes you and others feel.
Keep writing, and we shall keep reading.
@Rebeccabanana
this is very good like the way you wrote this out too. we also write poems and other stuff. see you as brave for showing yours to us. do think this one very good. it flows well
@Rebeccabanana
ah-mazing. I can tell a very smorty smort person wrote this.
@angelheart2011 awws thanks but your smorter riddlemaster!
@Rebeccabanana
riddlemaster? *feels smort* :P
@Rebeccabanana
Just like BastionKnight mentioned, I would never want to give a number writing to something someone poured form their heart. I know you asked for honest criticism though, so here's mine.
I love it!! This is so different from my style and others here I can't help but love it. Your rhyming scheme and rhythm is bouncy; energetic, hopeful. The verbiage is fresh and hip; the adverse of flowery.. relatable?
I was smiling the entire read. This is a great piece, really well done. Thank you for sharing!
@Dingleboop
@Dingleboop
Oh boy I should have looked over this comment before posting; so many errors, 😓.
*A number rating*, not writing.
*Poured from the heart*
And I didn't properly mention @BastionKnight
Whoopsiieee
