A House of Facade
It's my first time sharing a poem online! I hope you guys understand and like it!š
A house so bright, with fortune and wealth,
Conceals the pain that festers beneath.
Purified waters cannot wash away
The tumors of sorrow that grow each day.
Negativity spreads, a contagion so sly,
No one escapes, and scars never die.
A child once full of life and glee
Now withers away, corrupted by misery.
Guilt, regret, and apathy entwine
A heart once pure, now lost in its decline.
Daggers of hurtful words, a soul laid bare
Each wound a reminder of love that's not there.
Fireworks explode, a new year's refrain
A cycle of pain, an endless, futile strain.
The child, lost and alone, in sorrow's dark night
Awaits a purification, a redemption in sight.
@Meowaik
This is your first?!Ā
Surely not the first you've written. This imagery is *rich*. Like biting into a cake that gets layered flavours and textures with every chew. I was transported to the house. To the water. To the child, to the new year fireworks. This is great!
@Dingleboop Thankyou so much! (ā ļ½”ā Åā ļ¹ā Åā )ā”, I have been writing for a while but it's my first time to actually make a poem and share about it:), mostly the ones I used to write were just rambles, and I'm also not sure if the English makes sense because it's not my first language
@Meowaik
The paired rhyming couplets you have used give the poem a steady pulse that is offset nicely by the irregular syllabic structure you have chosen. I think the imagery of negative emotions as cankerous physical ailments works very well, and gives a sense of the destructive nature these feelings bestow upon the psyche.Ā
I thought the use of light as the metaphor for purification's harbinger bookending both the first and last stanza worked very nicely. It also throws the last line into a sense of doubt, as we are uncomfortably reminded that maybe the 'Redemption in sight' may yet be another instance whereby suffering cannot be erased by the waters of purification.
The despairing tone of the poem elicits feelings of sadness. The loneliness and hurt it speaks of is hard not to empathise with.
Nicely written.
Thankyou so much!:)
@Meowaik I love how the poem shifts from external wealth to the internal decay, which really emphasizes the contrast between appearance and reality. The way you describe āpurified watersā unable to wash away the ātumors of sorrowā is a brilliant use of metaphorāpain being something ingrained, unstoppable - like something evil or demonic. The reference to āa child once full of lifeā becoming a symbol of sorrow makes the loss feel even more tragic. The cyclical imagery of fireworks and the ānew year's refrainā adds a sense of repetition, as though the pain is something that keeps returning, year after year.Ā The final sense of longing for āpurificationā adds a layer of hope, even in the darkness. Itās a beautifully written piece that really hits deep.
Thankyou so much! I've seen your work and I honestly couldn't say anything from how speechless it makes me (in a good way š„¹š) I love the flow and how enchanting they are that it just makes you keep reading for more!
@MeowaikĀ Aww, you're too kind! Thank you so much š„ŗš I read two of your poems, and Iām already eagerly waiting for more! Take care! šāØ
I immediately made two more today! I love making poems and sharing them with all of you!:) thankyou lots! š Hoping to see more of your work as well (ā ļ½”ā ļ½„ā Ļā ļ½„ā ļ½”ā )ā ļ¾ā ā”