My Poetry Space
Hoping this is allowed rather than creating new posts each time.
The last time I posted a poem @Tinywhisper11 (hope you don’t mind the tag) encouraged me to share more of my poems.
So, this is going to be a little place for me to put my poetry as and when I decide to share it (possibly not that often, not sure yet). All will have TWs above them for each poem I write if applicable.
Anyone is free to read, however please only reply if you have kind words to say.
I haven’t had much luck with listeners lately so I guess I’ll try the forums with poetry instead.
I guess I’ll start with a bit of my story. It’s a poem I wrote a while ago but definitely still true.
TWs: Abuse (child, physical and emotional), SH, EDs, Sui
Let’s start from the beginning
The very beginning at that
The first few years were normal
Or so they thought that
Not knowing what truly happened
Behind the closed doors
Assuming it was all fine though
As never was it mentioned to them
The day came
For their step sister to leave
Hearing that they’re sorry
Not really understanding why
Questions followed
But no answers came
Things were fine for a while
But one day that changed
Noticing the dog crate open
The first sign of what was to come
It’s never open or so they thought
Only time would correct them on that
Being shoved in
Being shouted at
Hoping for it all to stop
That was nothing though
That was the easiest, nicest time
Learning as time progressed
They would never leave the cage the same again
Always having bruises or scrapes
Thinking this was just normal
Led to believe that it was all their fault
But knowing now it wasn’t
And still isn’t their fault
But that isn’t what their head wants to believe
It’s their fault for not lining things up
It’s their fault something happened
It’s their fault they are ill
It’s their fault for everything
People say it’s not true
Yet their head believes otherwise
Who do they believe
Their own mind
Or others who they don’t trust much anymore
Not knowing which one to believe more
That was all one side of things
Some might say the worst side
Others might say the better side
They aren’t sure themselves though
Deciding to stupidly open up
Opening yet another way in to then
Shoved into the car
Head going a million miles a minute
Running through all the options they have to escape
Escape from what came next
One of two things came next
Driven to the mental health hospital
Threatened to be sent there
Sometimes getting to the door
Not knowing at the time
That this place would become a second home to them
Or they would drive for a bit
Get back home only to be locked in the crate again
“It’s for your own good”
That’s what they used to say
Was it really for their own good though?
That was all at home
So things must be different when away
How much further could that be from the truth
If only things were that simple
Many triggering places exist now
Beaches
Thought to be a happy place
A place of laughter, enjoyment and excitement
Well that was the case
Once upon a time anyway
Things never were the same again
Doing something that was “their fault”
Couldn’t be shut in a cage
Or beaten in the open
In front of others
That just couldn’t happen
So improvisation was needed
The sea
The perfect thing
People go swimming
Waves come in
Maybe you “happen” to go under with the wave
Over and over again
Left terrified of the water
The sea, the beach
Anything to do with it
This all happened since they were 7
When police and social services got involved
It all magically stopped at 15
Hoping that was all
Not knowing it would start again when they were 18
They couldn’t believe it
“There isn’t much we can do”, “no evidence found”
Their heart sinking at that conclusion
Hating their parents for everything
Stuck, stuck in that place
Unable to change anything
Nothing worth fighting for
Giving up for the first time
Not telling anyone
But yet they are still here to write this
A member of the public found them
Woke them up, and got them home
Not knowing what had happened
This repeated itself so many times since
Some ended up in hospital
Others didn’t
Gathering a lot of time spent in psych wards
Nearly 10 months actually to be more precise
But yet things are no different
They are still stuck in the same place
That’s all physical things
Being stuck doesn’t end there
Feeling stuck in place
Even though technically they could leave
Not wanting to do the exact same thing
The same thing their step sister did to them
But to their brother instead
They can’t do that to him
So yet again they are stuck in the same place
They keep being dumb and stupid
Falling back to their old ways of coping
Whether that be eating disorder related behaviours
Not eating, throwing up, monitoring excessively what they eat
Or self harm
Relapsing and falling backwards again there
In a cycle that they can’t seem to break out of
Oh look, they are stuck in the cycle as well
Now they write this poem
In the hope to see things more clearly
Not wanting to make this poem too long
So they won’t include their whole life story
Maybe that’s for another day
Another day when they feel a little less stuck
Hopefully when more words form
As no more words can form for now
@SweetBeeHoney damn! That was hard to read 😥 I'm glad you made a space to share your poems, they are really well written.❤ And a great way to get all your thoughts out ❤
Trigger warning, abuse
Honey I was born into a cult, kept as a slave. Also kept in a cage🙁 so I understand a bit of what your going through, I'm here for you, if you ever need me ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
@Tinywhisper11 Awe, sorry it was hard to read. That’s exactly why I include trigger warnings before them. But thank you, you made me realise last time that it is okay to share my poems from time to time. And your comments about them mean so much to me.
I’m not sure if that is all in the past or still happening, but either way the same goes for you - I’m here for you too, if you ever need me.
@SweetBeeHoney ❤❤❤
@SweetBeeHoney
As @Tinywhisper11 so eloquently put, that was very hard to read and very moving. The jarring style certainly added to the impact. Your unfiltered and undisguised honesty is as impressive as it is upsetting. And that certainly adds power to the narrative of the poem; one cannot help but sympathise and be saddened on reading it.
I hope you do put up more of your pieces going forward.
I don’t think this one requires any TWs. But here’s one I wrote earlier today. I was bored and had these questions among others similar going round my head so why not write about them. Not my best one but thought I would still share it.
@SweetBeeHoney I thought it was well wrote, don't underestimate your talent for expression through words ❤
Why? Is the only question that will never get answered till we meet the big guy in the sky ❤ listeners weren't kind to me either, that's why I use the forums and group chats now. I'm glad your here using the forums to, it's always nice to make new friends here ❤🙂 gives you a giant tiny hug ❤
