Module 3. Emotion Regulation: (Discussion #9) Self-Validation
DBTuesday is a series of posts where we explore skills and concepts from dialectical behavior therapy (DBT).
What is self-validation
Self-validation is understanding and accepting our own inner experiences. This could include the following:
- Being encouraging
- Noticing things we’re good at
- Noticing things we’re trying really hard at
- Noticing how we’re feeling
- Caring for our needs
- Saying kind things to ourselves
- Accepting our limits rather than expecting perfection
- Being forgiving if we make mistakes
Benefits of self-validation
Here are some benefits of self-validation:
- It feels good: It feels good to be praised, appreciated, understood, and treated kindly. 💜
- More effective coping: During a difficult experience, self-validation can help with staying calm and avoiding making things feel worse.
- Less dependent on others: If we’re able to self-validate, then we aren’t quite as reliant on other people offering praise or acceptance.
These are some more general benefits of positive self-talk (of which self-validation is one example):
- Increased life satisfaction
- Improved immune function
- Improved cardiovascular health
- Improved physical well-being
- Increased energy
- Reduced risk of death
- Reduced stress
- Reduced pain
Tips for practicing self-validation
Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT, described 6 levels of validation, which also apply to validating oneself:
- 1) Be present: Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, including any bodily sensations
- 2) Accurate reflection: State what you’re feeling without distorting or judging
- 3) Guessing: Use clues from your body sensations or the surrounding situation to guess what you might be feeling if you aren’t sure
- 4) Validating based on history: Acknowledge that you may have past experiences that influence your present experiences and make them more understandable
- 5) Normalizing: Consider that other people would feel similarly if they were in the same situation with the same external and internal conditions
- 6) Radical genuineness: Allow yourself to be what you are instead of pretending to be someone you aren’t
Here are some examples of statements that might be helpful to use:
- “It’s okay for me to feel what I’m feeling.”
- “It’s understandable for me to feel this way.”
- “My feelings matter.”
- “I trust my instincts.”
- “I’m doing my best.”
- “I’m making progress.”
- “It’s okay to make mistakes.”
Reflection
Think about something you’ve been struggling with recently. What is something validating you could say to yourself in response?
Sources:
https://oregoncounseling.com/article/practicing-self-validation/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201407/self-validation
https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk
