Personality Disorders Community Check-in: October 3rd–October 9th

Hii!! Hugsss forrrr alllll!!!!!!!!!!

💛🫂💛🫂💛

hugs for me?

@rationalGrapefruitq

Hugs for you 💜

Ohh thanks!!

Hugs for u 🫶🏼

@QuietMagic

Things have not been going too well this week. I missed my doctor's appointment and could only go to half of my DBT group due to a painful flare-up. I feel like I am very manually taking care of myself- a phone reminder to take pain medicine, a phone reminder to take breaks when on my laptop to avoid my joints locking up, and generally having to be mindful of my body more than I'd like to (do I need to adjust how I'm sitting? Are my clothes and AC comfortable enough?). I also believe that the colder autumn weather may worsen arthritis. At least according to my MIL it does. This level of self-care for someone who admittedly really struggles with self image (I don't want to be so "weak and pathetic" to not just push through my disabilities like I was taught to) is HARD...

Something my therapist covered this past week was the DBT "dime" game where you do some questioning (I also found a flowchart website) on how to make requests. For example, I asked my boyfriend for accountability with washing my face more often. I asked that tomorrow morning we both have a goal of him shaving and me washing my face. According to the dime game, with the low priority of needing him specifically to help me but my high priority of being more consistent with skincare, I should "ask confidently, but take no." I did and we were able to stick to this this morning!

My boyfriend then also made a request for me for some more alone time. I need more sleep than he does. I feel best at 9-10 hours and for him, 7-8. Obviously this brings up the issue of me going to bed earlier than him, but I struggle to fall asleep knowing I'm "missing out" on time with him. He says that he even has waited for me to fall asleep so he can stay up for an extra hour or two. That really hurt my feelings. I felt abandoned. I wondered why he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. But I also wanted to look at the problem more realistically. I also need alone time. Even if he's home with me, I still enjoy reading or journaling through a self-help book silently to myself without always talking to him. I have "excess" alone time while he's at work and I'm at home all day, but that's projection on my end to assume he's just as lonely. He's at work in a very customer-oriented job so he's socially burnt out by the time he comes home. I'd also need time alone after that to recharge!! So me and him are working on prioritizing breakfast together so I still have a stable "us" time which helps. But it's a WIP. I still catch myself staying up later because I miss him even though my health regrets the lack of longer rest.

Something interesting? Well for me, I've been loving reading Thomas Talbott's Inescapable Love of God. It is explicitly a pro-Christian book, but moreso about the author's experience and the historical context of why Christianity in the West/US is correlated with oppression and violence - and what I'm interested to know, what he believes the Christian community can do about this (reasonable) distaste for the religion without having to leave their faith.

@QuietMagic

how are things going? Awful, life really likes hurting you and left to decide between two decisions that regardless of choice have no good outcomes. Who’s the person who suffers, oh no, not you but your child. Can life find a new dictionary definition or torture?

something special…. I guess the somewhat constructive 5 min conversation as to how we deal with this. Better than being called uncaring and giving up.

on the special aspect though the pushback that is now absent may be the reason for a (constructive conversation) or just knowing the outcome if strong minded.

come Wednesday, I actually am slightly grateful that such significant decisions can now be attributed to others choices as they apparently know what’s best and are sure where I am anything but. Doing much research and I’m still… screw this life … 

why do innocent people and children suffer? 

Sorry, kinda on a rant that I am stopping here