holiday seasonwhat happened when young and what you do now trigger warning
with the holidays seasons beginning we was thinking of this question?
what do you do now at holidays and is it different then when young ?
Trigger warning
we have began to change our thoughts on holidays and what we do in the holiday season different now. when we was young growing up holidays were not good times for us. we did get gifts and we did have family holiday meals too. but we lived in fear of holiday break from school. due to we be mostly alone with brothers and under their care. this really was not safe at all. my dad did not know what my brothers were doing to us at them school breaks. but we believe mom did and she did nothing to keep us safe even put us in danger. so yes my brothers and their friends abused me other times of the year. but Christmas break from school was the worst we feel. as both parents were gone all day. not going to go into details about the abuse other then to say it was sexual abuse, mental abuse, physical abuse emotional abuse verbal abuse and spiritual abuse at the hands of my two brothers who are 2yr and 4yr older then me and their friends too. then on Christmas day even thanksgiving day there be the big meal and dad getting drunk and mean. this what happened most my childhood.
but now we do things different for thanksgiving we have meal either at home alone and going online or we go to the mental health club. have a mean with others and do few other things too. Christmas we came to do things way different not spend anytime with family at all. we call dad say merry Christmas to him and mom, but that it. this to some may sound odd. but we buy few gifts for them in system little things mostly. some small toys that the inside little been asking for and few gifts for adults in system too. we for Christmas either go to mental health club or make nice meal. we sometimes watch Christmas movies in the holiday season too. but the big thing is we doing them a new way a safe way too.
so question how are the holidays different for you and then why ?
@stormieandpaws
Hi, that sounds very tough having had to go through that every year at holidays (i.e. time alone with brothers and their friends being abusive in many ways while your parents did nothing, dad getting drunk and being mean). Makes sense that holidays were be a fearful time that you dreaded and didn't look forward to.
I really like all of the things that you mentioned you're doing now:
- Spending time either by yourself or with people who you enjoy being around
- Minimizing contact with parents, only briefly calling to wish them merry Christmas
- Buying some gifts for everyone within the system that they want (love this especially)
My personal holiday routines haven't changed over time, but I've seen it change for my parents. There were schisms within both of their families (with parents, siblings, etc.), so their idea of "family" has kind of shifted away from biological relatives and toward sort of "creating" their own family by connecting with people who are actually loving/supportive.
@QuietMagic
thank you yes we did kinda like your parents do. a old friend who no longer with us he was first one to show me that being related by blood not always mean cared and loved by them. he was first a pastor but also a counclor we met online he was one of the very first to have my alters talk to him. so was very dear to us. he died of brain cancer at end of 2017. he also the one that was there for us when we ran away from my now ex.
he told us there family your born into and have no choice about who they be. then there family you make of them who love you support you and kind to you. we came up with that family being called family of the heart. so we know have a family of the heart most being online, but a few offline too.
big thing is within healing work to change thinking and actions around things that use to be scary or bad for you and others within.
@stormieandpaws
Sounds like that pastor friend was really special. 💜 Like his support and understanding was what set things into motion and made the current situation possible.