favorite person.

hi @GriefAngel if ok to ask.. what happened to your favorite person making you wonder how to function without them? :o

they’re in inpatient treatment for 6-8 months. im supposed to be able to visit by now but i cant n so i been going crazy n spiraling 👏

@GriefAngel

Hello, there. I'm so sorry to hear that you can't visit your FP. It's super tough not being able to have our FP's presence for long periods of time; I've been there too.

I found this blog post that might be helpful. It's from Hailey Lamothe, titled Can a favourite person “FP” relationship be healthy?.
Hailey wrote about how to turn an FP relationship into a healthy relationship:

• Spend time apart—spending too much time with anyone isn’t healthy. Dedicate days to yourself.
• Include others in your plans together
• Learn boundaries & communication skills
• Learn your values, and if theirs align with yours
• Learn your triggers, and work towards managing them
• Remind yourself that they can have feelings without you taking them on—when they feel something, identify a feeling you have that is different than what they’re feeling so you can remind yourself that you are a different being
• Find your own hobbies—creating your own life separate from an FP is vital in recovering from codependency patterns.
• Seek therapy (specifically Dialectic Behavioural Therapy/DBT)—*IF IT IS AN OPTION, if not, there are helpful resources online to learn DBT skills. Start with www.dbtselfhelp.com or check this list out at https://www.unk.com/blog/top-ten-sites-for-dbt-worksheets/

There's also this article from Choosing Therapy by Nicole Arzt, titled What to Know About a BPD “Favorite Person” Relationship.
Here's the part about coping mechanisms for someone living with BPD who has a favourite person:

• Label the situation: insight is the first step towards change. If you recognize that you have a favorite person dynamic, it’s often helpful to identify and label behaviors as you notice them happening in real-time.
• Focus on other people or things (shifting your focus): even if it’s hard, commit to prioritizing other relationships and activities. Sharing your attention takes some of the pressure of your favorite person and your expectations of them.
• Pause before reacting: you may be tempted to lash out or become passive-aggressive when your favorite person upsets you. Instead, reflect on your feelings, take some deep breaths, and commit to waiting a few minutes before responding.
• Accept that discomfort will arise: your favorite person will inevitably hurt, disappoint, and anger you. They may set boundaries, which can feel frustrating (even if you know they are entirely appropriate). Remember that no relationship is perfect, and it’s essential that you remind yourself of that reality often.

I hope this helps. 💙

@GriefAngel

Hello there, really sorry for the situation. It's surely difficult to wait and be patient while they're having the specialists support to improve with their life.

You said it's supposed to be the moment to visit them, is it something you feel to do when it'll be given the permission?

What could you do to build up a nice welcome back home that will make you both feel the special bond you have?

Sending you good vibes 💙

update, 3 days ago i got to see them for like 5 hours straight, easily those 5 hours were the best hours of my life yet😇

it was very comforting, healing to say the least.

we also get to call for 10/15 minutes everyday🥳.

PS THEY MAY GET OUT IN A MONTH ON GOOD BEHAVIOR 🤭🫶🤞

@GriefAngel so happy for you💕💕

appreciate it!🤎

@GriefAngel I'm sooooo happy for you! ♡ That's wonderful news to hear.