*Warning: unfiltered me talking here, some mentions of S*icide and D*ath.*

Firstly, thank you for reading :) And secondly, I am completely fine. For the most part, I am happy and positive, and am in no way su*cidal. But I desperately need to know if people can relate to me because I feel alone here. These are some parts of me that terrify me a little.

I really like thinking about death. I never once imagined doing it myself, but I would imagine how people would react if I died in different ways. Like, If I got s**t at the store, would my friends be sad? How would my parents react? Or what if mt friend died? How much would it break me? I am sometimes scared of myself for thinking these things, I'm afraid of why they are such natural thoughts.

I kind of like feeling pain. Be it scraping your knee or accidently slamming your head on something. It feels so real and present. I guess its just nice to feel something outside of emotional pain for once, something people will actually pay attention to.

I don't like these things about myself, but I feel like its impossible to change them. Can anyone relate to this?