BPD Breakup
ex And I broke up after 4 years. We met cuz I cheated on my ex with him and that was the start of everything going bad. Because of that initial cheating caused this car crash that just kept going. We were on and off and and I loved this man and I still do but I did also at times stare at other people idk if I did or not I am not aware but my ex would say that and it turned to dv. My ex tried to commit and we broke up for a while but after that I spoke to someone for like 2 days cuz I was hurting and during that time my ex wanted to “get revenge” so he took me to the worst street with street workers and was messing with me it was like 2 am and I was in pjs then took us to a s** club and tried getting us a threesome for revenge. I also later found out he went to Mexico and went to a strip club etc. two weeks ago I was honest and told him I spoke to someone for a few days when we weren’t together but we still loved each other and I knew I still loved my ex so that’s why me talking to that person only lasted 2 days. He broke up with me and went crazy and wouldn’t give me my items he physically harmed me and I had to call a cop to retrieve my items. I feel like it’s unfair because during the entire relationship he thought I was doing stuff so he would watch p*** and date people behind my back. I know we loved each other. I feel like I’m mad because I was being honest and it was a casual convo with the person I was talking too but he also has cheated and he got so mad and doesn’t wanna try again or wait and see if we can work out. I feel like no matter what he did I always stayed and loved him. I never cheated on him besides how we met. We’re texting here and there and he says he’ won’t ever love anyone or trust anyone and he hasn’t deleted our pictures or anything. I don’t wanna let go but I know it’s hurting me because I just want him to say he will wait for me to get better mentally because I also was at a low state even now. Idk I see a therapist tomorrow and have an appointment for meds. I don’t wanna stop talking to my ex because I’m scared ima miss an opportunity for us to work again. He wants to stay in my life he said but idk if I can just be friends. He’s also struggling with this and I also want to be there for him. Idk what to do.
@Priscella
I just want to take a moment to acknowledge everything you’re feeling because this is a lot. Your emotions are real, and your pain is valid. You’re carrying so much weight, and I can tell you’ve been through a lot, both emotionally and physically. No one should have to go through what you’ve experienced, and I’m really sorry that you have.
I know you love him, and I know love isn’t something you can just switch off, no matter how much hurt has been involved. But love isn’t supposed to make you feel like you’re losing yourself. Love isn’t supposed to come with this much fear, pain, and instability. And honestly? It sounds like this relationship has been more about survival than it has been about true partnership.
You said you’re scared to stop talking to him because you don’t want to miss the opportunity to work things out. But here’s something to think about: Has this relationship ever actually been a safe place for you? A place where you were treated with consistent love, respect, and care? Because from what you’ve shared, it sounds like it’s been a cycle of pain, betrayal, and broken trust on both sides.
I know you still want to be there for him, but who’s being there for you? You’ve already made such a huge step by seeing a therapist and getting help that tells me that deep down, you know you need healing, and that healing might not be something you can do while still holding onto this relationship. Sometimes, loving someone means letting them go so you can find yourself again.
You don’t have to figure everything out right now. Just take it one step at a time. Focus on your therapy, on your healing, on rebuilding your self-worth. And maybe ask yourself do you really want to keep waiting for someone who has hurt you, or do you want to start waiting for yourself ?
You are not alone in this. And no matter how impossible it feels right now, I promise you: there is life beyond this pain. There is peace beyond this chaos. And you deserve that peace.
