singercrystalspirit checking in here

Hello. Some of you may know me :) I have been in and out of therapy for various issues since I was about 15. This past weekend, my newest therapist - who doesn't believe in diagnoses - nor does the counseling center I go to - told me that I have several traits that someone who believed in diagnoses could call borderline. I do not have a diagnosis, but, I am searching for support, and somewhere I fit in. I am in great, great pain much of the time and all of the time lately. For many years I have been told it's anxiety, its depression, it's an eating disorder, it's nothing at all and it's just the normal stresses of life moving up and down, or I'm an empath and HSP nervous system, I've been told by other therapists that I'm definitely NOT borderline, I've been told my mother / father were toxic / abusive and that's all that's wrong, I left God and that's what's wrong... etc, you name it. Searching for answers and support, and going to try here too. I'm so confused. I've had so many professional opinions, I don't know who to listen to. In the history of my life I tend to simply listen to those who love me. But in recent times that's become confusing, as people who have loved me have left me or hurt me. And I've tried trusting myself, but life doesn't seem to always align. So now I'm kind of floundering, and perhaps I don't exactly fit in to this community but I thought I'd try and say hello and some things about myself that are hurting. Thank you 💕