i don't know how to feel?
so a very long term relationship of mine has ended, and to be honest... ive not really been on my own for very long, my last relationship kinda ended and i felll into another (recent breakup) but i'm haveing serious trouble knowing how i should feel. my ex wants to stay friends and we only talk casualy every now and again.. but it brings me intense anxiety because i can't dislike him, or love him.. i have no idea how to feel in this 'friendship' and everytime i find myself trying to care i try and reject the feeling = more anxiety, or when i'm disliking him or finding comfort not being in the relationship i end up hating myself for being the bad person.. i don't know. i just feel so weird.
just thinking about him makes me anxious and it does not help that the last time i saw him i had a panic attack (i've suffered with ocd like intrusive thoughts that re-appeared when he came to visit) and anxiety that lasted until he went home again. we were in a long distance realationship for the last 2 years
does anyone else get like this?
@Shipwreck I'm sorry you had to deal with this, sounds hard and like you're a bit conflicted about how you should feel. That can be difficult, but it's okay if you're not sure how you feel. We don't have all answers, and sometimes associating words to our emotions isn't as easy as we would like, and that's okay.
Oh that anxiey seems difficult, and intrusive thoughts aren't easy - if you had instrusive thoughts when he came to visit, I can see why you'd feel anxious around him or even thinking about him. Our mind is a tricky thing: it will try to protect us. So if something bad happens (instrusive thoughts) when you were in a certain situation (he came to visit) then, the mind thinks: if I'm around him, I will have instrusive thoughts. Need to protect myself to avoid the intrusive thoughts. Anxiety is just a signal of brain that yells 'danger danger danger', even if isn't always right, it is trying to protect us in the only way, the mind knows 
How are you feeling now?