being told new things... good thing?
so ive been isolating myself and feeling generly kinda overwhelmed since i had my first CBT appointment yesterday... most because so many new things were said! things i had not even considered and i felt like years of treatment for my anxiety and depression were just sweeping aside the core issues ive been dealing with for A VERY LONG TIME. anyway, prepare for a rant and a bit of an insight into what i was told and what i spoke about when me and my therapist were working out how CBT would help me....
First things first, this was the first person to ask about my history and abandonment issues and how i feel it affects my emotions and relationships, i wanted to cry when he said my generalised anxiety disorder diagnosis was 'messy' considering the lenghth of time and variety of symptoms i told him about.
he expected me to have low empathy after he asked a lot of questions about sicidal tendancies and self harm (this was extremely uncomfortable as i had recently come out of a 'crisis' where i had ended up in outpatient check up style meetings with a CPN)... and rather suprised when i said the very opposite, i'm extremely empathetic and really can read people very well... its just intense. he mentioned that i could be having trouble regulating my emotions and expressing them, emotional regulation distruption or something... mentioned i'm like an engine running too fast when i only need an average speed. it made so much sence. i explained i'd been diagnosed with 'accute anxiety' and depression in the past but they never really got resolved, and i always felt 'wrong' or like i was eperiencing things too intensely... probably leading to the anxiety as i internalise all this instead of 'acting out' i take negative emotions out on myself.
i got recommened a lot of books to read (one on empathy and like 4 others around anxiety and depression) and ive just started reading 'calming the emotional storm' (the only book that looked at DBT he recommended) and i feel like it makes so much sence that its not just been anxiety driving my lack of a steady job and difficulty making friendships and trusting others... like really its like i'm actually geting close to whats been wrong for so long.
i'm crazy hopeful things can finally get sorted and someone wants to take the time to help.. really help.
i'll be keeping you all posted with any usefull skills and things i learn <3
@Shipwreck Wow from what you have described, seems to have been an eye-opener in a sense, and gave you hope. That's amazing! You mentioned how the therapist asked questions about things that, seems (from what you said) that no one ever asked you about. With many/some mental illness knowing the person's background can help, because it's like trying to answer a math problem. You need to know the basics about that part of math, to be able to answer it correctly or you'll just be walking around in circles, in a way.
Seems that therapist really wanted to understand your situation, and when a therapist makes someone feel understood and cares about their side of things, that can be really positive in the long-run, so I'm happy that you got to have this experience with him, on first appointment. And those books seem to have been a good help in you figuring some other things as well.
You mentioned at first you were isolating and overwhelmed. While these are good things and an eye-opener and a good experience through-out - therapy can be draining, because it's you opening up, giving that part of you who is struggling to someone else. I say this because, personally, the day when I have therapy appointment and it's one I shared much/talked about difficult things or just realized new things, it's a bit as if "yes, I'm glad - but I have a lot to process right now and need some time to rest" 
Everyone is different, of course, but therapy can be something both positive and emotionally draining - in a good way.
And do keep us posted! Good luck!
@eviesweet
@eviesweet
thank you so much really great to have your support too! yes i will keep this post updated with my weekly meets in the hopes of helping more people struggling :) its like i've suddenly relised theres so much more to me than just anxiety!
