Need silence but I’m a mom of 3!

I’m about to have another intake evaluation to get a new therapist through insurance and see if I can be evaluated for BPD. In the past I was diagnosed with an unknown mood disorder. My mood can change so rapidly throught the day! I grew up as an only child and always loved being alone. I’m very dependent. Now I’ve been married 16 years and have 3 children. I enjoy silence. I enjoy being alone. I enjoy my own space. I enjoy sleeping alone in my own bed. Being a wife and mom, I can never get enough of silence and alone time. I have been retreating further and further into myself and staying more and more in my bedroom with the door locked. My husband understands. He gives me all the space I need and is a great dad to our kids. Our youngest who is 6 has autism and nearly constantly talks and moves around. Even with a respite provider I can’t get enough alone time. I’m at my best when I am teaching music online to my students and am working on music-related projects. At this point, I feel like I need a long break from everything!!!