Idealization and Devaluation
How do you experience this in your relationships? For me personally I idealize the person right away and fall inlove so quickly with the little things that they do, I want to commit so fast and pour my heart out to them and tell them how great they are and how great they make me feel. I experience an overwhelming sense of desire and infatuation for them. But when those grandiose feelings aren't returned or they want to go slow or I don't feel they are giving me the attention I deserve or spoiling me in affection I become hurt and angry and I find I try to turn my heart off. Like I become cold and want to search for someone new. I dislike them and think I deserve better. I find something that they do that angers me and become preoccupied with it. Even if it is minuscule. But then if they give me attention again or say something I think is cute and makes me happy I go right back to idealizing them again! I see logically how bad this pattern of behaviour is but I can't seem to stop it. Does anyone else experience this?
Much of this is so true for me. Except for the part about them basically withholding. My experiences have always been me finding out that they are much more flawed than how I first saw them. I'd find out an unsavory view they have on something, or maybe they say rude jokes, etc. And it tends to be those little things that add up and I just end up feeling nothing for them.
@PerfectlyImperfectt21
I've experienced something similar. Was a fast and whirlwind courtship, ended up telling me he loved me the day we agreed to date. I remember how scared I was to say it back but I truly felt love for him. So after he said it, I said "I love you too _____". He told me that he was disappointed that I didn't say his full name because "it would have been more romantic since he used my full name". Was the first time he made me cry. It went back and forth between idealization (couldn't live without me and said he trusted me so much that "he'd allow me to kill him if I wanted to") to not seeing him for weeks and sometimes months. Or he'd tell me how beautiful I was to making fun of my voice. Most times when I would discuss just being friends due to our disfunctional relationship, he'd threaten suicide or get so upset that he would vomit in the toilet.
Eventually the devaluation ended up with him leaving me for four months to finding another girl in his own country. He never spoke to me again. Still haunts me to this day... 
