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PerfectlyImperfectt21
4,706 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 87 Compassion hearts147 Forum posts156 Forum upvotes246 Current upvotes246 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceJuly 22, 2015
Recent forum posts
When he stops saying "I love you"
Relationship Stress / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 December 30th, 2017
...See more When i lost the love of my life I made the mistake of seeking out a new campanion. I knew it was not the best decision but at the time it really helped me push through the grief. I began to move on from my ex and started to fall for this new guy. In the beginning he did not want a relationship and I was ok with that bc at the time neither did I. In the summer we both started to fall for eachother, we had many magical moments and he shared how much he loved me. I began to open my heart to the idea of a new relationship with him. September rolled around and he just stopped. He started to refuse to say he loved me. So i left. and then I came back only to leave again. The last time i left, immaturely i said many mean things to him out of anger and frustration. After two weeks I reached out apologizing bc I regretted being so mean but I told him not to respond to my message. I was also having a really tough time and of course he responded and rushed to be by my side. We both knew we would fall back into the same pattern, he even said he questioned the decision to come. When we were together he kept trying to kiss me and finally I let him. I dont know why he wanted to kiss me so badly knowing where it would lead to. Eventually I realized he was texting another girl which hurt me. I know i do not have the right to be mad bc we arent together but it hurt very much. It bothered me the most bc he was trying to hook up with me. I told him if he ever wanted to start seeing me again or hook up whatever he needed to stop talking to her. Me or her. He said talking to her took the pressure off of dating and that being with me again things would fall back into the same pattern. Which is probably right but it hurt to hear him say that. then he left. My heart stings so much because he used to say he loved me so much, then he stopped. He used to promise we would date eventually he just needed time. Does he just not love me anymore? Will he even think about me after this? How do I stop loving him, how do I forget him and move on? I keep telling myself he will realize he made a mistake, especially when he is with this new girl and she is not me and he will miss me and come back. How do I stop thinking that way? I want to forget him.
Memories of Sexual Abuse
Trauma Support / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 July 15th, 2019
...See more I was sexually abused as a child by my Father. I can think about and remember different situations vaguely of when he had abused me. But when I remember them I feel very detached or emotionally numb. I feel like they don't effect me in ways thinking about abuse should effect someone. Don't get me wrong the effects of the abuse has manifested itself in many different ways in my life, relationships, trust, needing to always be in control, emotional labile which leads to self harm and many many more! But when I think about memories of the abuse specifically I don't really feel anything when I expect to like cry or be angry. Some days I feel those emotions but I feel like I am sad or angry for another person. Like that person is not me. Or maybe another version of me I am not connected to. It could be because disassociation but I am not sure! Does anyone experience this as well?
Idealization and Devaluation
Personality Disorders Support / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 May 29th, 2017
...See more How do you experience this in your relationships? For me personally I idealize the person right away and fall inlove so quickly with the little things that they do, I want to commit so fast and pour my heart out to them and tell them how great they are and how great they make me feel. I experience an overwhelming sense of desire and infatuation for them. But when those grandiose feelings aren't returned or they want to go slow or I don't feel they are giving me the attention I deserve or spoiling me in affection I become hurt and angry and I find I try to turn my heart off. Like I become cold and want to search for someone new. I dislike them and think I deserve better. I find something that they do that angers me and become preoccupied with it. Even if it is minuscule. But then if they give me attention again or say something I think is cute and makes me happy I go right back to idealizing them again! I see logically how bad this pattern of behaviour is but I can't seem to stop it. Does anyone else experience this?
Anxiety about the future
Anxiety Support / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 May 21st, 2017
...See more So I grew up in a family from the lower the lower class. Everyday was a struggle for my mom to put food on the table. My dad was a abusive guy who did drugs and went to jail for said abuse against me. My mom always repeated this one thing to my sister and I: I love my life and my kids but I want so much better for you two. I am the first one in my family to go to university. It is a huge struggle financially but I do what I can because I want a better future for myself. But with this comes pressure and anxiety. I had an amazing boyfriend for 5 years and together we worked towards and were creating a great future. Until he left and with him went that future. Now that I am alone I am terrified. What if I can't create this amazing future by myself? I am terrified to drive! And after uni I will have a huge student load to pay back! How will I buy a house? Together we had a plan for all of this but now that I'm alone I don't have a plan and I hate the unknown. I love my family to death but I don't want my life to be like theirs. This is causing me a great deal of anxiety.
What now?
Relationship Stress / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 May 20th, 2017
...See more I was in a relationship with my dream guy 5 amazing years until about 6 months ago when he left me to focus on himself, his career aspirations and to gain independence. He also wanted to experience the single life and focus on his friends as well. This was like a slap in the face to me and I was hanging on by a thread for 6 months. I understood logically but emotionally it was very tough. I felt rejected and thrown away like a piece of trash. I really questioned my self worth. Now that the weather has been getting warmer, I have slowly felt more like myself. But I am beginning to question what now? I am 22 years old and before I had my whole life planned out and it was such a wonderful life. Now it's a big question mark and I fear the unknown. I also fear if I will every truly find someone because people my age don't really understand the concept of love. I live in a world where people get drunk every weekend, love hook ups and social media. They live for instant gratification and pleasure. They don't understand what building a foundation for a relationship looks like. If anything is tough they bow out. They swim on the shallow side and call it deep. I really want to start building a life but a huge key to that puzzle is building one with someone and growing into it together. I'm scared I won't find anyone who makes me feel like my ex did. So any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Advice for when a relationship ends.
Personality Disorders Support / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 February 15th, 2017
...See more I've been in a relationship for the last 5 years, I was 17 when we started dating and I am almost 23 now. We basically grew up together and created a life together and had goals for our future. Then out of the blue he left me. He said he needed to find himself on his own. When he left he took all of me with him. I poured myself into him and now I no longer know who I am. I am shattered. He wasn't supposed to leave me. Out of all the people in my life he wasn't supposed to abandon me. I feel lost and like my life is completely out of control. I no longer see a future and when I look through my past all I see is pain and instability. My relationship felt like the best thing I had in my life even though I created some complications in that. I don't know how to handle this pain in a positive manner. I've self harmed, thought about suicide, been in a stabilization centre, turned to alcohol. I just don't know what to do. I have no hope. I feel like my life is completely over. And the pain I feel rips me apart. Can anyone offer some advice? Thank you.
Mixed Episodes
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by PerfectlyImperfectt21
Last post
 November 27th, 2016
...See more Im just curious if anyone here experiences mixed episodes and what are they like for you?
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