Help too severe to treat but high functioning
My shrink has said that I have severe bpd and when in crisis I am a nightmare. I get that. I self harm, I od and I get anxious, I get angry... You get the picture.
The problem is in crisis I'm still high functioning and able to work in it for the most part. When jot in crisis I hold a responsible job and work 9-5 making most health care in my country out of the question. He said most therapies wouldn't work on me as im too self aware and knowledgeable of myself but in a crisis I'm a nightmare.
I don't know what to do. I never thought if myself of having severe bpd. I always thought it was mild but now I feel isolated and alone. I want to engage with people even less. I feel thsy I am a disease that cannot be fixed.
I do not know what to do and I'm looking for some guidance. This is the first time in my decade long diagnosis that I feel completely confused and alone.
@Treasure2
Hi treasure, I am really happy to see you here...
I am really sorry you heard those words from your psychiatrist. To be honest, I find them quite unhelpful and simply hurtful. I know how that can feel... not long ago I heard similar words from my then therapist.
You are not a nightmare... You are a person with extremely intense feelings and thoughts. They overwhelm you because you havent learnt yet how to deal with them. You deserve to live your life fully. There is so much stigma around our condition and many therapists who do not have sufficient training do not like working with us. We are challenging, yes. We experience emotions with such intensity that it can feel scary for others. But this rests with them... There are good therapies and good therapists out there. DBT for instance. And IFS. And many others. Your psychiatrist may simply not be the right fit for you...
I am on my phone right now, but as soon as I get on my computer I will write you a couple of links to documentaries about BPD that have given me so much hope.
You are not alone and you are someone good.
@admaiorasemper thank you
@Treasure2
You are very welcome 
The videos I mentioned:
Back from the edge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=967Ckat7f98
Having a life worth living: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JChwgwU9zIs
@Treasure2 I'm a listener and I am dealing with BPD first-hand. Please feel free to message me if you feel like talking. I've found that a borderline is most of the times a borderline's best shrink because health professionals seem to have an incredibly difficult time even understanding this heightened self-awareness
@Treasure2
Firstly, you are not alone, even though I completely understand how lonely it can feel. When we feel low, our tendancies are to withdraw and isolate ourselves. Proud of you for writing this post and talking about how you have been feeling.
Wish I could give some of that guidance you are seeking, but we all have different coping stratagies or techniques which may be unique to us. BPD as an illness can be quite resilient to certain therapuetic techniques, but that doesn't mean none will work or you can't find different coping mechanisms.
You seem to feel you are in need of support when facing such strong emotions that you feel you are, in your own words, a nightmare whilst in crisis. Support looks different to us all. What kind of support do you feel may help?
@friendlySea8328 I want practical support twllign me how to be a better person for everyone involved.
@Treasure2
Am not sure if this is what you mean by support, but did find this article, along with some others in the 'advice' section here at 7cups. It does explain BPD and some things that may give some ideas on what type of practical support may be available
https://www.7cups.com/experts/everything-to-know-about-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/
Please take care of yourself, and know a lot of us do understand and would like to help support you on your journey
