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Help too severe to treat but high functioning
Treasure2 January 1st, 2020
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My shrink has said that I have severe bpd and when in crisis I am a nightmare. I get that. I self harm, I od and I get anxious, I get angry... You get the picture.

The problem is in crisis I'm still high functioning and able to work in it for the most part. When jot in crisis I hold a responsible job and work 9-5 making most health care in my country out of the question. He said most therapies wouldn't work on me as im too self aware and knowledgeable of myself but in a crisis I'm a nightmare.

I don't know what to do. I never thought if myself of having severe bpd. I always thought it was mild but now I feel isolated and alone. I want to engage with people even less. I feel thsy I am a disease that cannot be fixed.

I do not know what to do and I'm looking for some guidance. This is the first time in my decade long diagnosis that I feel completely confused and alone.

10
understandingCamp1248 January 2nd, 2020
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@Treasure2 Hey. The diagnosis was so intense for me as well. I think I'm high functioning as well. I'm well educated and have a good job. However, I'm having problems creating and maintaining relationships and my moods are intense. I don't even like thinking that I have this disorder at times....often. However, I try to remember the point is not to stigmatize. It's research to know how to treat. It's a serious mental disorder. However it is one of the most researched and has better treatment outcomes. It's possible that you are functional but the issue could be distress tolerance. So when you are highly stressed is when you have a more difficult time. Also, the way you deal with this stress. If you participate in more serious traits/behaviours when in crisis. This may concern your therapist and why they think it needs to be addressed. However, some therapists have a less modern view of bpd. Hope it's a good fit. It's hard to tell with us splitting. However it's good you are interested and seeking treatment. I wish you the best on your journey. I listen to Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube. He is so gentle and doesn't demonize what we experience. Hope this very long message is helpful. 🙏

Treasure2 OP January 2nd, 2020
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@understandingCamp1248 thank you

January 2nd, 2020
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@Treasure2

Hi treasure, I am really happy to see you here...

I am really sorry you heard those words from your psychiatrist. To be honest, I find them quite unhelpful and simply hurtful. I know how that can feel... not long ago I heard similar words from my then therapist.
You are not a nightmare... You are a person with extremely intense feelings and thoughts. They overwhelm you because you havent learnt yet how to deal with them. You deserve to live your life fully. There is so much stigma around our condition and many therapists who do not have sufficient training do not like working with us. We are challenging, yes. We experience emotions with such intensity that it can feel scary for others. But this rests with them... There are good therapies and good therapists out there. DBT for instance. And IFS. And many others. Your psychiatrist may simply not be the right fit for you...


I am on my phone right now, but as soon as I get on my computer I will write you a couple of links to documentaries about BPD that have given me so much hope.

You are not alone and you are someone good.

Treasure2 OP January 2nd, 2020
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@admaiorasemper thank you

January 3rd, 2020
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@Treasure2

You are very welcome heart

The videos I mentioned:

Back from the edge: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=967Ckat7f98

Having a life worth living: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JChwgwU9zIs

holdyourhand11 January 2nd, 2020
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@Treasure2 I'm a listener and I am dealing with BPD first-hand. Please feel free to message me if you feel like talking. I've found that a borderline is most of the times a borderline's best shrink because health professionals seem to have an incredibly difficult time even understanding this heightened self-awareness

Treasure2 OP January 2nd, 2020
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@holdyourhand11 thank you

friendlySea8328 January 3rd, 2020
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@Treasure2

Firstly, you are not alone, even though I completely understand how lonely it can feel. When we feel low, our tendancies are to withdraw and isolate ourselves. Proud of you for writing this post and talking about how you have been feeling.

Wish I could give some of that guidance you are seeking, but we all have different coping stratagies or techniques which may be unique to us. BPD as an illness can be quite resilient to certain therapuetic techniques, but that doesn't mean none will work or you can't find different coping mechanisms.

You seem to feel you are in need of support when facing such strong emotions that you feel you are, in your own words, a nightmare whilst in crisis. Support looks different to us all. What kind of support do you feel may help?

Treasure2 OP January 3rd, 2020
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@friendlySea8328 I want practical support twllign me how to be a better person for everyone involved.

friendlySea8328 January 5th, 2020
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@Treasure2

Am not sure if this is what you mean by support, but did find this article, along with some others in the 'advice' section here at 7cups. It does explain BPD and some things that may give some ideas on what type of practical support may be available

https://www.7cups.com/experts/everything-to-know-about-borderline-personality-disorder-bpd/

Please take care of yourself, and know a lot of us do understand and would like to help support you on your journey

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