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Treasure2
82,485 M Marching Ahead
PathStep 121 Compassion hearts5,564 Forum posts71 Forum upvotes89 Current upvotes89 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceNovember 3, 2016
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Recent forum posts
Help too severe to treat but high functioning
Personality Disorders Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 January 5th, 2020
...See more My shrink has said that I have severe bpd and when in crisis I am a nightmare. I get that. I self harm, I od and I get anxious, I get angry... You get the picture. The problem is in crisis I'm still high functioning and able to work in it for the most part. When jot in crisis I hold a responsible job and work 9-5 making most health care in my country out of the question. He said most therapies wouldn't work on me as im too self aware and knowledgeable of myself but in a crisis I'm a nightmare. I don't know what to do. I never thought if myself of having severe bpd. I always thought it was mild but now I feel isolated and alone. I want to engage with people even less. I feel thsy I am a disease that cannot be fixed. I do not know what to do and I'm looking for some guidance. This is the first time in my decade long diagnosis that I feel completely confused and alone.
Help Needed - Abuse and Trauma Listener needed
General Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 February 5th, 2017
...See more I am struggling just now with complex ptsd and BPD and i need a long term listener for support. I am UK based.
Broken and alone
Depression Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 July 27th, 2017
...See more Not sure what I'm doing. I just feel so odd. I need a friend. I need the support work said they would give me. I need help.
Abuse and self harm help
General Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 January 11th, 2017
...See more I am looking for a listener that has knowledge of childhood and sexual abuse as well as self harm.
My story ****Trigger warning**** could potentially be triggering, so please use caution if you proceed. Remember to look after yourself if triggered
Trauma Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 January 10th, 2017
...See more Dad didn't want me and was glad that mum miscarried. My dad tried to kill me when I was a baby. Dad has a violent temper. He would fly into a rage and spank us at best so we couldn't sit. He would chase us and we would hide hoping he didn't find us or gave up. He would throw us about and hit us. The worst part was his silence. You could see it brewing. It was the waiting and not knowing. Mum also had a temper she would only violently spank us anything worse she would get dad to do. Mum always said I was her closest and best friend. She always spoke of how she hated my dad and that he was horrible to her. Mum would fall out with dad over everything and would either run away leaving me with him or take me with her and scream about him. She was terrifying. They always got back together. Catholics don't divorce. They are perfect on the outside. Mum always said never have friends only acquaintances. This meant I never got close to friends. I wasn't really allowed round their house and they weren't allowed around mine. The pressure from my parents was intense. They were awful about me not being good enough at training or during racing. When I started having anxiety and panic they took me to see a psychologist that was the daughter of my mums friend. I told her about my parents but she didn't do anything. She seemed scared of my mum. Sometimes I would play with a girl whose gran lived on the street. She was a few years older than me. We would play in the shed. Usually a game of mums and dads or something. There was usually a sex element which I don't really understand. There was something about making them do it or being capture. It's a bit hazy. I always did well in school and never got in trouble. I was probably too opinionated for my own good and it's why I didn't really have friends. I was bullied in high school as I was too posh despite the fact I lived in a council house. I apparently thought I was above everyone and I was a swot. In truth I just didn't relate to them It got so bad they tried to throw me off the moving bus. I felt hopeless. It went on a lot as I was an easy target. The I didn't fit in didn't have a stable friendship group and lots did well I think classes. When I was 12or 13 I realised my home life wasn't normal. I that the way my parents treated me wasn't OK and the horrible physical fights I had with my sister ten years older than me weren't OK. We were in English class and a girl was talking about her dad being a pain. I then started going on about him throwing me down the stairs and in the instant I saw the change in their faces. They kept saying how it wasn't normal and I kept saying that it was just a joke. It was then I know t wasn't OK but I had to keep the secret. It made it easier to understand how we could be having a screaming match and thrown about then twenty minutes later we were perfect in church. When I was 14 I went on my first date to the cinema. He was a quiet boy. My dad dropped me off at the cinema and it was weird and awkward. When we got in we went to the back row. At first we just kissed and it was OK. I was a bit nervous and scared. He then started feeling my breasts and going under my top. I tried to brush him away but he just pushed harder. I tried to say no but he was in my mouth again. I just froze. He let his hands roam down the and in my underwear and I couldn't do anything. I just sat there. I let him. I let him in me. In both and I just sat there. I couldn't breathe. When we left I just couldn't deal with it and ran to my dad's car. I told my mum and she blamed me. I never spoke of it or to (name deleted ) again. Rumours went round school but I just couldn't cope. When I I went to university my mum put on a major guilt trip calling saying she would kill herself. That I needed to save her. I couldn't fit in there either as I couldn't cope. I started self harming. It was deep and bad. I had my first real boyfriend at 20 and I became pregnant. It was my last year of uni and I wasn't coping. I didn't know I was pregnant as I was on the pill. I only found out when I got sent to hospital by my gp for bleeding. I spent the time in hospital losing the baby alone. I told my bf but he wouldn't come. He stayed at work. He then made me pick him up and blamed me. That night wasn't pleasant. I told my mum and she told me she thought I knew as it was obvious. She also told me I was never to tell anyone especially my sister as she had lost a real baby. It felt shit. I couldn't deal with it all and I took my first od. edited by dancingrainbow45 on 09/01/2017 Put a trigger warning in the title in case the post triggered other members, also name deleted due to confidentiality reasons
Support needed
Personality Disorders Support / by Treasure2
Last post
 February 1st, 2017
...See more I am struggling and not sure what to do. I've been in major crisis for over a month with two attempts on my life. I don't know what to do. I need help and support but I'm not getting it. I feel so isolated. I have a therapist but just now I don't feel it's enough. Work is driving me nuts. They keep putting more and more on me. Im scared of the thoughts in my head. Of how I feel. Of the fact I can't stop all these things going round and round. I need to escape.
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