Friendship/Relationship Troubles
(kinda-triggering ramble/vent below)
it's come to the point where my bpd is affecting those around me. i have a crush on someone. he's my best friend. and everything was fine, until i found out he has a crush on someone else. i felt betrayed. i don't know why. it's not like he's promised to me or anything, and i knew he'd never like me.
but i'm heartbroken. i can't even talk to him properly without tearing up. talking to him makes me nauseous. i miss him. i miss what we had, but i can't see him the way i used to. i just feel like he was purposely stringing me on, because he knows i like him. but then he asked to talk to me about possibly having a crush on his friend and i just.
but my feelings about this are affecting my friends outside of him, my family, him. he think he's done something wrong and he hasn't. but i just. feel betrayed by him in some sick way. he thinks i hate him and i don't. it's not him i hate. it's them, the person he likes. i hate them. they ruined the only good thing that's happened to me in literally a decade lmao. i don't really hate them but i do. not really but i just. i don't know.
i don't want to hate them. they make him happy. but why isn't that me? why can't i make him happy like they do? all this time i thought he was talking about me being the one thing he cares about... that was all just my stupid imagination lmfao.
the thing i've learned from life is that if someone says they love me, they probably don't. everyone in my life who's said they loved me lied. family, friends, lovers... i truly am just unloveable.
i don't know how to feel or to process this... how do i stop letting my feelings ruin our friendship? ruin my relationships with everyone else around me?
@f1nd3rzk33p3rz
That surely is a very overwhelming state. When we love someone, feel the most happiest moments around them, when they make us feel understood and heard and supported and when we make them a part of our life, its really a heart shattering thought so see them aloof n distant and attracted to someone else, it can feel like losing a big part of us and certainly that void that comes with it. In such situation the feelings of confusion, anger, guilt, helplessness, sadness are normal. I appreciate ur love n care for him and how u want to see and all around u happy. I hope this overwhelming phase passes soon and may the best happen to u !
@blissart thank you bliss, you're very sweet. i really do want what's best for him, but this guy he likes hasn't really been the best to him in the past, and i'm worried he's going to get himself into another bad relationship =/
Hi @f1nd3rzk33p3rz
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Having a crush on someone who has a crush on someone else is hard to bear. And it's painful to watch our closed ones suffer because of our feelings.
Talking about how you're feeling definitely helps. If you feel like crying you can cry and admit your feelings to your friend. Take some time and don't force yourself to do things. Journaling helped me in difficult times. If you like please grab some notebooks and pen down your emotions. I hope you feel better soon! ❤️
Sending love ❤️
@hopezzy hey hope thanks for the response. he already knows i have feelings for him. i told him not so long ago and he said it didn't change anything. he started posting things alluding to liking someone, and they seemed to match situations between he and i. and then i found out it was actually about someone else through him and one of those posts and i guess it just broke me a little =/ <3