Favorite things
Does anybody else have what could be called favorite interests? Stuff that you learn a bunch about, that becomes a giant part of who they are? Or am I the only one?
@ahhhhelpimalive
Yes, I can relate to that. 😊 Sort of like putting a lot of energy/attention into something to the point that my identity becomes deeply intertwined with it. It becomes difficult to talk honestly about myself without mentioning that interest, because it's what I'm concentrating on a lot of the time so a lot of my sense of who I am is flowing through that thing.
What kinds of interests feel like they're really central for you?
@QuietMagic Yes, exactly! It's so difficult to separate yourself from whatever you're interested in, and it becomes so deeply you. Whatever it may be is who you are, not just something that you like. I find attach myself to interests even more when I don't have a favorite person. These days, it's been one specific musician, and a specific part of a fandom. It's so easy to just loose myself in it, as when I'm caught up in these things, I know who I am. I am the person who reads these books and listens to this music. I don't need to worry about anything else.
@ahhhhelpimalive
That makes sense. 😊 Sort of like the fact of being interested in that musician or that fandom means something in terms of what it represents as far as who you are.
It used to be a lot stronger, but I've definitely had something similar with certain musicians/bands or genres of music. Almost like the fact that I have those specific tastes or preferences says something meaningful about my values, my personality/feelings, and what kind of person I am.
It's felt a little bit problematic sometimes if either 1) other people don't share those specific tastes or relate to them because they're somewhat rare or highly specific (so there's some alienation/loneliness/anxiety that comes with that), or 2) people interact with those things thinking of them as normal/ordinary things without realizing that I've invested a lot of myself into them and the things they say are as if they're talking about me.
I'd say for a while now, I've been pretty obsessed with this site and a lot of my meaning/identity has been drawing from things I'm doing on here with listening. I enjoy it because I feel like I have a lot of control over how people perceive me, and I can feel pretty confident a lot of the time that any obsessive effort/attention I put into things here is meaningful insofar as it's helping someone else.
I loved art when I was little, but I drew less and less because my uncle joked everytime because I gifted a lot of drawings, christmas, birthdays... and he said I did this so I didnt spend my money. Now I know everything was a "joke". But I havent draw for me for like, 6 years, and im so scared about trying again, I feel I lost all my potential and I cant do it. People say its good, art therapy and all of that, but I feel like I dont remember how to draw my feelings, or that trying drawing them its gonna be worse
@Kharliah
Sorry that you had that experience. It sounds like art was something really special for you that you loved, and your way of expressing that was to give your art as a gift to others, but they didn't respond in a way that really honored how you felt about it. They treated it like a joke rather than something you took seriously and were offering as a heartfelt gift.
Then if I'm understanding, fast-forwarding to the present... because it's been so long since you've done it, you feel like a lot of the skill or ease with art that you used to have isn't there anymore. So rather than it being something where your feelings would flow easily and it would feel creative/expressive, it might feel like a struggle or something that would be stressful.
Exactly, its like Im only gonna see that I "lost" my capacity and I can never do things like in the past, never. When I try to sit and draw, the anxiety makes me start to cry, and think about all of this, and the past, and everything bad.
But someday I would have to try I think... I dont know
@Kharliah
Yeah, maybe someday you might come back to it, or maybe not--whatever works. 😊 I've also had that experience sometimes of certain expressive outlets feeling like they've been "stained" by interpersonal experiences and I'll find myself dropping them in favor of other ones that feel like they are less conflicted.
Thanks for reading and answering me :) I really apreciate it
