Crying and Relationship Trouble

I have borderline personality disorder and I cry a lot about being alone even though I feel both repulsed and attracted to the idea of a relationship because I wish I was in one every day.

The problem is when I'm single I tend to cry every other night because I feel lonely. I feel touch starved and empty. I have supportive friends but I still crave the intimacy of falling in love with someone.

When I'm in a relationship then I stay up and cry because I don't trust the person, get paranoid about how long it'll last, have a hard time believing that they really love me. I get mad at every little thing they do and feel disgusted by the person even though I know I logically shouldn't be since they're up to my standards and realistically not doing much wrong even though my mood swings say they are.

I know I'm not ready for a relationship but I'm lonely so its difficult to deal with sometimes.