Considering hospitalization
Hey everyone and thank you for reading this.
I'm 25 yo female. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16 and I'm in treatment since. I was hospitalized a few times. I went through many meds changes and switched quite a number of therapists. There was a time when I was completely okay, but for the last two and a half years it's only getting worse. I've never been what you'd call "a good patient", I did my share of stuff I shouldn't do, but it's getting out of hands this time. I'm drinking almost daily, acting out, I even feel some aggressive tendencies, short temper, crying all the time, anxiety, loneliness, constant feeling of inadequacy.
Since I was hospitalized before, I know how it works and I even liked it there. But this would be fourth year in a row I'm spending the spring in hospital. I get attached to people there, I do solve some issues, but I feel like I'm always discovering others. If I could go and be sure I'll mind my own business and not connect to others that much, it would be fine. I'm just really confused. Sometimes I feel like I'm running to hospitals when I can't take responsibility for my actions and using BPD as an excuse.
I have to mention I have full support from my family and boyfriend, and they've been really worried about me lately, so I see that as one more sign I need more intense therapy.
I'm not sure what else info to provide, I'm really confused and the feelings are completely overwhelming.
Thanks for reading, any reply will be much appreciated.