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Borderlines and Love

Sastiel February 21st, 2017

I suffer from Borderline along with many problems. I have PTSD, paranoia, was abused many times in many ways, and overall am pretty much clinically a bad person. I've always held myself extremely distant from the people I trust most. I don't let anyone "near" me really. I feel like at this point I've become too much for even my best friend to handle and that she's pulling away from me. I'm alone. I have no one. I have nothing.

I don't think I really feel love. Everytime I say it to someone, the words are empty and devoid of meaning and feel pretentious. I don't think I can feel love. Except for one person. There's just one person that makes me feel anything. No one makes me happy or sad or feel any kind of strong emotion but this one person. All the people I've known - my family, my friends, everyone in between - from the first time I knew this person, I knew they were special to me. They're the only person I can say that I love and not feel like it's a blatant lie. They're the most beautiful human being I've ever seen. Being with them is like being deaf and being able to hear again. Being with them is seeing in color in a black and white movie. Making them happy for just a moment is my reason for existing, for being. I don't know if it's some connection we have or some kind of sign, or if I'm delirious but I feel alive with them.

But maybe it's just my BPD? Does anyone else have this kind of numbness, but ever meet someone that made them feel sane again?

2
bunnypants February 21st, 2017

@Sastiel you've just described bpd :P

that doesn't, however, make the love you feel any less real or important ^-^'

once upon a bunny, i was in love with someone with bpd.

for years and years and years.

well, i mean, i say once, but that sort of love never dies.

and we both still takes cares of one another when we cans.

it's honestly the most wonderful thing.

and sometimes putting all your eggs in one basket is not the best thing to do.

but sometimes it's the only thing you can, in which case take very good care of your basket <3

LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS February 21st, 2017

@Sastiel

It sounds like you experienced an almost obsessional fixational love which sounds like it has it ups and downs. How are you feeling now? and yes, you will find a special person again if you truly want it to happen :)

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