"Blurryface"
So I suffer from the disorders PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. My friends have given my "dark side" the name Blurryface which is the same name my friend Ty gave to his dark side. He/she is the mental embodiment of self doubt. My Blurryface comes out a lot more than it used to because I came from an abusive household. I hold in everything and eventually explode in anger and subsequently push the people I love away out of fear of abandonment. Yesterday was my 20th birthday and I'm so used to no one being there for me on my birthday so I set myself up to believe that no one one visit me. I started acting out and eventually fulfilled my own prophecy. No Blurryface isn't an outside voice, or a separate personality, he is just the name I have given myself when my BPD comes out. So Blurryface kept telling me that no one will care enough to come around so as a result I acted out so it wouldn't hurt as much if they didn't come. But it only made them not want to deal with me so they didn't visit or call or text. I don't know how to think positively anymore and I am constantly being told that I'm using my mental illness as a crutch. If I do, I don't realize it. I almost self harmed again yesterday and my trust has been worn more thin.
Hello, @LoneWolfAshes96
I don't have much experience with what you're dealing with but I can only imagine how tough it can be. :( I know that disappointment can be really hard to digest and I pretty much always use defensive techniques that help me cope with any potential disappointment although I'n not sure how emotionally healthy that is. From what you're saying I understand that you do have people around who would be willing to be there for you and that's really great. Perhaps trying to set a time each day to remind yourself about the good things in your life that you should be grateful for might help a bit with these reactions of Blurryface? I really hope you'll be ok and manage to find a way to keep the disorder under control.. take care of yourself and if you ever want to talk some more don't hesitate to pm me :)