Best friend with bpd
My best friend has bpd and tends to become way too involved with men who remind her of her dad- meaning abusive. Within the last few months she’s gotten super attached to this guy and he’s horrible to her but she can’t see that. She’s changed herself so much to fit the standards he wanted even going to the extreme of going on birth control just cause he wanted her to have bigger breasts. I wish she could see from my view how this is affecting both her and put friendship. I love her deeply- even this version of her- but I can’t help but miss when she was happy and codependent. What should I do as a friend?
@marijuanasoup
Hey there Soup. I can totally understand your concern as a friend, and it really shows how much you love and care about her. Often, people with BPD will have black and white thinking, which can cause idealization as well as the opposite, strong dislike towards people. Sometimes, this can lead to idealising people that are bad, while hating people who are good, based on set things they have done. I think with anyone in an abusive relationship, regardless of BPD, victims often will be oblivious to the fact they are being abused or in denial. I think it's best not to force her to break up with him because she might just get angry with you out of denial. Listening to her and gently explaining to her how the behaviours are abusive might be of the best benefit. That way she will not shut down on you immediately. If you feel like she is in very immediate danger that could be life-threatening or being abused physically, going to authority would be the way to go. I really hope you can find ways to support your friend, but also keep in mind that you should take care of yourself as well. This is just one take on the issue, I hope others can offer more ideas for you as well. At the end of the day, the person who will know what option is best is yourself. Best of luck to you and your friend 💜
