Being my own favorite person
I am getting very tired from obsessively worrying over how my fp perceives me. I constantly worry how he may determine who I will be, how I will feel, and what I should do with my life, even with the smallest glance, comment, or gesture. I feel deep-seated insecurity that he will leave me if I make the wrong decisions (eg outfits, goals, meals, social decisions, time management, etc.) - even if it’s a teensy oversight or relatively small poor choice. It feels humiliating and makes me angry to live this way. I hate this powerless feeling. I had this thought that I should focus more on myself and learn to be my own fp. Interested to know if anyone else here has experience in taking this kind of mental and behavioral leap.
@adaptableJackfruit1357 Hi Jack! I don't have BPD, but I can feel you and the struggle you go through to please your fp, always being in fear of making mistakes and losing the person, having our emotions depend on them so much. It gets exhausting and overwhelming. I also think that loving yourself is really important, doing things that will please you, be how you want to be, shortly, being yourself. It is not easy to be in love with yourself, sometimes insecurities come in, and we might feel bad about ourselves and how we are dealing with it. I wish you all the strength and love to start this journey and make it until the end. Remember that whenever things get tough we are here for you and always ready to support you 
Hi adaptableJackfruit, I completely understand where you’re coming from. It must be frustrating. I have BPD and i used to be in a similar relationship where i felt all sorts of insecurities. Message me to talk more when you want.
