@vanderlinde
Welcome to the community!! And I'm sorry you've been going through this, we all have those times that it seems like nothing is going right and nobody will ever be able to give you what you need and it's easy to push them away to try to avoid getting hurt. I think a lot of us here understand and we will always be here to listen and support you whenever you want to talk about it. You should never be forced to get help if you don't want it right now, sometimes just taking time to really focus on yourself and finding your own coping skills is the best way to get through it. It's rough to only get relief when intoxicated and definitely can have a lot of negtive consequences, I hope that through time and some of our resources here we can help you through this time. We are always here for you!! *hugs if you want*