Alone in my mind. (TW)

I'm really confused and lost. I don't have the access to a professional therapist becuase my mom doesn't believe that I have mential illnesses and she refuses to take me to a doctar. So I turned to the Internet and did a lot of � research. And I can relate to the symptoms of BPD so much. I know very well that I can be wrong and self diagnosis can't really give me the answers but that's all I have. I'm suicidal, I self-harm, I have intense fear of abandonment as well as paranoia, I have extreme emotion swings, chronic feelings of emptiness, I get paranoird about the smallest details in relationships, and I experience explosive anger when I'm upset. I'm also scared that I'm just trying to validate my feelings and sometimes I tell myself that I'm just trying to find excuses and labels and that there are people who actually struggle with this. I'm 13 and I really don't have anyone to confide in. Please provide advice!

_{[Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to add TW]}