Advice for when a relationship ends.

@PerfectlyImperfectt21 I went through something similar. In a relationship for several years and while not perfect there wasn't anything blatantly wrong with it either. He surprised me by breaking up because he was unhappy but couldn't really explain why. I felt like someone died, because suddenly all the assumptions I had about what my future would look like weren't possible, because I had been planning for him to be there with me. It was the hardest thing I ever went through. But what I found worked best was finding ways to do things I enjoyed or wanted to learn and invest time into myself. I took classes, just did things on my own, and even took a big trip by myself. I didn't have many close friends so it was a way to stay busy while meeting new people and frankly proving to myself that I could still have a great life and plan things for my future even if he wasn't there.

After several months when I finally was getting over him, he saw how happy I was and wanted to get back together. We did, but fell into stagnation again and literally broke up again last night. It's fucking hard. But I know I made it through before so I think it will be easier this time. You'll be able to get through it too. Stay strong.

@PerfectlyImperfectt21

Best thing you can do for yourself is to not to beat yourself up or blame yourself for his actions. Build a relationship with yourself first.

@PerfectlyImperfectt21

Hello there,

It sounds like you are going through such an unsettling time in your life. You probably have an overwhelming amount of emotions cluttering your mind and causing you to feel like your life is out of control. Everything you once knew has been taken from you so it's not surprising you feel like your life is out of control.

The feelings of feeling so low that suicide could be an option and turning to alcohol are caused by escapism - you do not want to process those uncomfortable feelings so instead you numb them. Have you ever felt suicidal before? Struggled with drinking problems before?

Dealing with a breakup is like coping with grief... you grieve the old you, the lost partnership, the lost routine... your entire life has changed and it is terrifying but gradually you will get through this... day by day - moment by moment.

Lisa

What are you doing for you right now? Even if it is something small :)

My question is still - how do you cope with the intolerable pain of the present moment? It might pass an hour from now, or five minutes, or come in waves. But right now, it hurts like hell. How to cope with the right now without losing one's grip? How to control and manage unbearable pain of loss ...... Might be what they are asking. I've experienced this before. I don't have any answers ........