Personality Disorders Support Community

Undiagnosed BPD

by ghosttiger100

Monday

Do you have go-to routines you do when you are starting to spiral?

by VioletteB82

Monday

Looking for bpd people

by Lovebubble

October 20th

Less-Symptoms of BPD (Part 3) 💖🌷

by crypticwhisperss1

September 19th

...See more Hello, everyone! Now that we've discussed the types of BPD, it's time to have an overview of the uncommon symptoms that are experienced by some people with the disorder. This is a fascinating topic that I am excited to introduce, especially that it is based on research and factual evidence. 🤩 These symptoms include: ↬ Pervasive Shame: As defined by John Bradshaw, "Toxic shame is experienced as the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. It is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame gives you a sense of worthlessness, the feeling of being isolated, empty, and alone." This deep, internalized shame can profoundly impact a person's sense of self-worth and ability to maintain healthy relationships. ↬ Undefined Boundaries: Someone with BPD might say, "I was brought up thinking that the perfect intimate relationship had no boundaries. Boundaries only meant a rift between people. Boundaries meant I had to be alone, separate, and have an identity. I didn't feel good enough to have a separate identity. I needed either total enmeshment or total isolation." This black-and-white thinking around relationships can make it very difficult for those with the disorder to establish appropriate emotional and physical boundaries. ↬ Control Issues: People with this condition may need to feel in control of other people because they feel out of control with themselves. They may try to make their own world more predictable and manageable. This desire for control often stems from deep-seated fears of abandonment and a lack of inner stability. ↬ Lack of Object Constancy: This is a significant symptom that is often discussed but did not make it into the DSM. When we feel lonely, we can soothe ourselves by remembering the love that others have for us. However, individuals with BPD find it difficult to evoke an image of a loved one when they feel upset or anxious. If that person is not physically present, they just don't exist on an emotional level. This is why the person with BPD may call their loved ones frequently just to make sure they still care about them. The inability to maintain an internalized sense of connection with others can be incredibly distressing. ↬ Interpersonal Sensitivity: It has been observed that borderline individuals are adept at reading other people and uncovering their triggers and vulnerabilities. This may be because they learned to carefully read the cues of people around them, or because they rely on others for their emotional stability. Some findings suggest BPD traits that might enhance the ability to detect mental states and subtle facial expressions of others, but that's not always true. Other studies have shown that people with BPD have higher error rates for recognition of emotionally expressive faces compared to healthy control. However, they display higher accuracy in detecting fearful faces. It all depends on the specific context and individual differences among those with the disorder. ↬ Situational Competence: Some people with BPD appear non-disordered at work and perform very well, even being high achievers, while others find it arduous to hold a job. Marsha Linehan, an American psychologist and author, calls this "situational competence." ↬ Narcissistic Demands: This is quite different from being a narcissist, which is a different case. This refers to the fact that some people frequently bring the focus of attention back to themselves. They may react to things based solely on how it affects them. However, drawing the attention to themselves does NOT mean that people with BPD lack empathy. It is likely correlated with overwhelming emotions that can make it difficult to focus on the emotional well-beings of others. For example, a child in a grocery store craving a cookie may be very compassionate and make friends with all the lonely children at school. But in the moment of wanting the cookie, they are not going to care about their father's feelings. They might throw a tantrum and saying hurtful words in order to get the cookie. This does not indicate that people with BPD are dramatic or uncaring by nature. Rather, it suggests that in the grip of strong emotions, their focus can narrow and their ability to consider others' perspectives becomes compromised. References: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8354944/ https://www.apa.org/monitor/dec06/bpd https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/matter-personality/202206/borderline-personality-are-they-bad-reading-others ------------------------- I truly hope this post has helped to emphasize on the more complex and uncommon aspects of borderline personality disorder. A lot of these characteristics aren't yet included in the official diagnostic criteria. There remains a lot of debate and nuance around how these behaviors truly manifest in people with BPD. However, I believe that it's important that we keep educating ourselves and staying up-to-date on the revolving research and perspectives. Although these traits are unofficial, they can contribute to additional stigma and misunderstanding that those with BPD already face. Our role should be to approach this with empathy, spread awareness, and try to see the heartfelt humanity and inherent beauty behind the immense turmoil that borderline individuals experience. So, what do you think about this post? I'd be really curious to hear your perspectives! Thank you for your time, and take care! 💛🌻 ~ Xaverie ♡

Poetry

by StarrieSaturn

September 8th

Is this bpd?

by Sofisofi11

September 5th

Trying to take responsibility of how I react/or do not react when my wife is having a really hard time

by Tehwolf

August 16th

Midweek Blues

by NabeelahHendricks

August 14th

BPD in the shadows.

by pepper007

August 14th

BPD Subtypes (Part 2 of Spreading Awareness) 😊🧡

by crypticwhisperss1

July 10th

...See more Welcome to the second part of our BPD awareness series! In the previous post, we discussed the definition and symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder. Now, let's explore the different subtypes of this condition! 💛 The first thing you need to know is that BPD encompasses a range of presentations, with 256 possible combinations and 4 distinct subtypes. They include Discouraged/Quiet Borderline, Impulsive Borderline, Petulant Borderline, and Self-Destructive Borderline. These subtypes are NOT officially recognized in the DSM-5, which is the standard classification system for mental disorders. So, while they offer insights into the diverse manifestations of BPD, they are not part of the formal diagnostic criteria outlined in the DSM-5. This means that if you ever end up being diagnosed with BPD, you won't receive a specific subtype diagnosis but rather be diagnosed with the general form of BPD itself. 1) Discouraged/Quiet BPD: It is often associated with a pervasive sense of emptiness, low self-esteem, and a fear of abandonment. Individuals with this subtype may experience chronic feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and helplessness, which may lead to struggles with self-sabotaging behaviors as coping mechanisms. In relationships, they may exhibit dependency, an intense need for reassurance, and challenges in setting boundaries. They might seek validation to ease their fear of rejection and abandonment. Moreover, they often internalize their feelings or suppress their anger, which can result in a calm outward appearance. This internalization of emotions can make it challenging to recognize their underlying struggles, which often leads to misdiagnosis or a lack of diagnosis because they may not exhibit the stereotypical symptoms of BPD. It is important to note that there is a myth surrounding this subtype that suggests it is high-functioning. This is NOT accurate because people who have it face significant emotional challenges and may not necessarily exhibit high functionality in all aspects of their lives. 2) Impulsive BPD: It is characterized by impulsive and self-destructive behaviors. People with this subtype struggle with difficulties in impulse control, often engaging in reckless behaviors like excessive spending or risky encounters. They have a tendency to act on their intense emotions without considering the consequences, which can lead to frequent conflicts and unstable relationships. Additionally, they may experience intense mood swings and show heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, resulting in emotional reactivity and outbursts of anger. 3) Petulant BPD: It is characterized by chronic feelings of anger, resentment, and a tendency towards passive-aggressive behavior. Those with this subtype often have a strong need for control and may display stubbornness, irritability, and defiance. They may even struggle with feelings of victimization and tend to blame others for their problems. In relationships, a petulant borderline may engage in power struggles, manipulation, and a difficulty in expressing vulnerability. They may use indirectly hostile tactics to express their anger and maintain a sense of control. TW! ⚠ 4) Self-Destructive BPD: It is characterized by self-injury behaviors, despairing tendencies, and a deep sense of self-loathing. People with this subtype often experience intense feelings of shame, guilt, and a distorted self-image. They may engage in self-destructive behaviors to cope with emotional pain or to gain a sense of control over their internal turmoil. In relationships, they may display a pattern of pushing others away due to their fear of abandonment, which can further contribute to their isolation and despair. ------------------------- Soo.. How can you summarize the subtypes? (Not limited to only these!) Discouraged/Quiet Borderline: ❖ Hypersensitive to rejection and criticism ❖ Tends to be withdrawn, passive, and avoidant of conflict ❖ Experiences persistent feelings of emptiness and hopelessness ❖ Prone to depressive episodes and low self-esteem ⚠⚠ ❖ May engage in self-injury as a coping mechanism Impulsive Borderline: ❖ Struggles with intense, rapidly shifting emotions ❖ Engages in impulsive behaviors and craving connection ❖ Emotional outbursts and difficulty controlling anger ❖ May lean towards addictive tendencies ❖ Can have a distorted, unstable sense of self Petulant Borderline: ❖ Chronically angry, argumentative, and resistant to authority ❖ Feels entitled and becomes easily frustrated when needs aren't met ❖ Oscillates between neediness and hostility in relationships ❖ Can be manipulative and verbally harsh towards others ❖ Resents and rebels against those they perceive as controlling Self-Destructive Borderline: ❖ Experiences profound feelings of emptiness and worthlessness ⚠⚠ ❖ Engages in self-injury and harmful behaviors ❖ Distorted body image and disordered eating patterns ❖ Prone to dissociative episodes as a coping mechanism ❖ Withdraws from social support and isolates themselves ------------------------- Q: Is it possible to relate to more than one subtype of BPD? Absolutely! It is very common for people with the disorder to relate to characteristics of more than one subtype. Many of them find that they exhibit traits across multiple stereotypes, either concurrently or at different points in time. The emotional, behavioral, and interpersonal patterns associated with BPD can shift and evolve, so your dominant symptoms may change over the course of your life! For example, you may start off identifying more strongly with the impulsive subtype. But over time, as you work on coping strategies, you may find yourself relating more to the discouraged/quiet subtype, struggling more with feelings of emptiness and self-loathing. That is completely valid! After all, the subtypes are not meant to be rigidly exclusive. They just show the reality that BPD can indeed be complex and fluid! ------------------------- NOTE: I just want to make it crystal clear—I don't way intend to categorize or stereotype people with BPD. My goal here is to solely raise awareness and understanding about ways that the disorder can present, not to make sweeping generalizations about folks living with it. I would never want to make anyone feel induced to a label or a checklist of traits. That goes against everything I believe in. 💚💚 At the end of the day, people with BPD are human beings deserving of empathy, respect, and compassion - not judgment or assumptions. They are no different than anyone else struggling with mental health challenges. They deserve to be seen and understood as whole, multifaceted people, not pigeonholed into narrow categories. To all people with BPD, your condition is completely valid. You are so strong! I am here for you!! 🤗💗 ------------------------- Time for an icebreaker! 😮 If you could choose one superpower that would help you manage the challenges associated with your BPD "subtype" (or the one you most relate to), what would it be and why? Would the Impulsive Borderline want super speed to slow down their impulses? Would the Petulant Borderline choose mind-reading to better understand others' perspectives? Get creative in the comments below! 💙✨ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thank you for reading, and have a nice day! 🌸 ~ Xaverie ♡

Am I insane? Relationship confusion and bpd.

by LeonSapphire

July 9th

...See more TW: Discussion of suicidal thoughts, relationship trauma, and sexual relationship stuff. This will be very long, but I feel it's important to get all the relevant context. I would really like a second opinion on this because I don't trust myself at all. To preface, I have quiet-type BPD. I struggle with severe abandonment issues, and I have a bad habit of letting others take advantage of me because I so desperately want to feel needed. I am medicated, I am in therapy, but there is still much for me to work on. It's kind of pathetic on my end, but I am stable when I feel like I have a committed partner. So, I am not the type to be prone to jealousy or controlling behavior, but rather, I begin to spiral into self=hatred whenever I feel uncertain or believe I have done something to make someone not like me anymore. This can easily become self-fulfilling prophecy, as I will convince myself that I am unlovable, annoying and too intense, and I will either apologize incessantly, or self-isolate to "protect" others from me. This year has been extremely hard on me. I was in a very happy relationship for 5 years, but in January this year, it ended. It wasn't because of anything like abuse or just not getting along, which weirdly enough is probably why it has been so hard for me. My partner at the time decided to transition from male to female, and despite the fact that I am not attracted to women, I did try my best to make it work. Unfortunately, it just didn’t. We still live together, and we get along for the most part, but it feels like a part of me died with the relationship. I did not believe it would be possible to have the same kind of bond that I had with this partner, and I was honestly very suicidal for a solid chunk afterwards. Fast forward to May, 2024. I finally decided to poke my head out into the world of dating apps, not expecting to find anything. I matched with a few people, but ultimately the conversations just died with most. Then I came across a profile that I instantly vibed with. We'll call him Guitarist. Right off the bat, I know I'm going to get along with this person amazingly. Our sense of humor is on the same page, we have tons in common, and it is so easy to talk to him. Guitarist invites me to his place, and he is 100x cooler in person. He is also very sweet, hilarious, and of course, very attractive to me. He is also a musician like me, hence the name "Guitarist", and he's tons of fun. We hang out, play some video games together, I show him how to mod Skyrim, we open up to each other about stuff that I normally would not on a first date. I guess we were just that comfortable with each other. We eventually decide to chill and watch something together, which of course turns into cuddling, which turns into everything else after that point. Again, this is something that normally I NEVER do on a first date, but I just ended up feeling like I could break that rule this time around. And it was great! He invited me back over the next day, and we kept meeting up after that. I really enjoyed spending time with him and it seemed like he enjoyed spending time with me. He told me I was beautiful, that I was hilarious, cute…all the good stuff you want to hear from someone you find yourself infatuated with. I thought that things were going in a good direction, though due to past experiences with other men, I was hesitant to have the discussion for fear of scaring him away or putting too much pressure on him. Then the enthusiasm on his end began to wane. If I didn't text him first, he would not text me. I learned that he was going through some anxiety about an approaching trip he would be taking out of state. He told me that he would be staying with a friend for a little over a week so that he could interview for a job he was hoping to get. Hearing this, my heart dropped a little because I worried if that meant he did not plan to continue seeing me. However, a louder part of my brain believed that even if he did get the position, it wouldn't require him to move for a while so we could still have plenty of time to figure out where our relationship was going. We manage to hang out a few times between that conversation and him leaving for his trip. Of course, it's all arranged by me asking if we can, because he doesn't initiate the conversations anymore. Suddenly, he goes long periods without responding or contacting me. It's fine, he's busy, I can respect a need for space. When we do hang out, he's less affectionate with me, aside from the occasional touch and of course, cuddling as we watch videos together. He doesn't want to kiss me, saying that it's because he has canker sores. That's okay, I get it, I am just happy to spend time with him. This, I hope is not more than anyone needs to know, but I don't trust my own perception of this detail, so I would like a second opinion. When we are intimate, he does not want to finish inside of me despite me telling him that I have an IUD. He says it's not because he doesn't trust me, but he just wants to be extra careful, so if he does finish inside, he needs to get more condoms. I think "Okay, fair, I guess." He does eventually get more condoms, but we are only intimate once before he leaves on his trip, so we only use one, of course. This detail about the condoms will be the more important aspect, but still, I do think this is a little strange. The night before he leaves for his trip, I come over one last time to see him before he's gone for the next week and I won't be able to. He was having a panic attack about getting everything ready and feeling stressed, so I came over specifically with the intention of providing support, helping him get his stuff together, but I also just wanted to see him before he headed out. I ask if he has anyone to take care of his cat while he's gone, and he admits to me that he does not. He tells me he had a friend that said she could, but didn't really want to for whatever reason. Of course, being the human bra that I am, I offer to take care of her. I don't ask for anything in return, because I love Guitarist and I just want to help in any way I can. Before I leave to let him get some sleep before the long drive, we hug, and I kiss him on the cheek, because the dreaded canker sores were still a problem for him, he says. He later sends me a text saying that he really appreciates me and I wish him a safe trip. Throughout the week, I go over every night to feed his cat. He asks if I can spend some time just hanging out with her so she isn't lonely. His cat is adorable and sweet, I don't mind at all. However, his texts become further and fewer between, which I chock up to "oh, he's just busy". Of course, I miss him though, so it's still tough. On top of that, my week gets extremely bad. I learned that my sister, who I had planned to move in with after finishing out the lease with my ex, will be moving out of state as well. My ex, also plans to end the lease early, by the end of the summer, which means I will have to move too. During this time, my ex/roommate is also on a vacation, so I am home alone, facing the looming situation of having to suddenly move out within the next two weeks. I'm stressed beyond words. I'm doing my best to keep my issues to myself so as not to trauma dump on Guitarist while he is out of town. However, part of me wishes he would at least call me for a bit. The only time he initiates conversation is to ask if I cared for his cat, which is fine, but I would really like at least some kind of contact beyond that. He asks me how I'm doing one day and I admit that things are not going very well at all, and he asks why. I give him a very brief version so as not to overload him, but he doesn't really ever respond. I think during those small conversational windows, he was drunk. It seemed like I never was able to even talk to him until late into the night, and each time he was wasted out of his mind. I try not to feel hurt by it, after all, he is on vacation, and looking to get a job over there. This whole time, my anxiety has been eating me alive and I am really wanting to just rip the bandaid off and talk about our relationship, so I know where things are going. At this point, I know I'm already supremely attached. He tells me he got the position, which I am both happy for him but extra worried about our status now. Oh well, we'll have that conversation for when he comes home, right? About that… The morning on the day that he's supposed to drive home, he asks me if I can possibly take care of his cat for one more night. He says there's been an emergency. So, I tell him, "No problem, but are you okay?" and his response is to reassure me that he will be okay. So, I ask him what happened, and I get no response. A few more hours later, he asks if I can continue taking care of the cat for another week, basically. I tell him, "Alright, but can you please tell me what's going on?" He explains that he actually started his new job already, and they have him working until the end of the week. Please tell me if I'm wrong here, but that just doesn't sound right to me. I would, at the very least, expect an employer, especially for one in his specific career field, to let a new employee move to the location before asking them to start working. I don't know, it's just really weird to me. It doesn't help that I know the friend he is staying with is a girl, a very attractive girl, who lives with her allegedly creepy ex-boyfriend, and Guitarist is staying with her in her room. Am I insane for feeling uncomfortable with this now? I am not the jealous type, but I have been cheated on in a past relationship and I am just getting bad dejavu here. Whatever, I'm a doormat so I keep taking care of the cat. That, and regardless of whatever is going on, it is not the cat's fault and it does not deserve to go hungry and suffer. I try not to dwell on it. Over the week, we have a few more brief conversations, where I begin to express a little more of my own struggles, hoping that maybe he will show me some bit of emotional support so I can prove to my self-loathing brain that my fears are baseless. He gives me a few flowery statements like "I am so blessed to have met you" and "You're really one in a billion, don't be stressed or feel bad". So I try to ask him about where things are going between us and he tells me something a long the lines of, "I am so sorry that I met you at a time when I was relocating. I would like to have seen where our story would go." To which, I inform him that it doesn't necessarily have to end here. That, as crazy as it might be, I could go with him. It's not unrealistic at all. I work from home, so I can literally go wherever I want. My current anxiety is around the fact that I don't want to be alone, and if it means we can continue being together, then I'd happily move out to where he will be. He starts to not respond after that. I understand how unhinged it might be to say "Hey I'll move to this new city with you, despite the short amount of time we've been seeing each other," but that was something said after he told me that he felt the same way about me. In the following days, I try pressing a little more, in case he just forgot to reply. He tells me, "Oh that just wouldn't be very practical. You can't just move to a new city without a place lined up to live, or a job." It's like he didn't even read what I wrote, or completely misunderstood. I literally just told him that I have a job, I work remotely, so I can go anywhere in the country. My only problem is that I don't want to live alone, as in, I don't want to be in a city without loved ones nearby. None of my friends live in my current city anymore, I am no-contact with my parents, my brother lives in a different country, and now my sister is moving to a state very far away, and will most likely not be living anywhere long term for a while so I cannot follow her. I don't care if I have to get my own place, it's not an issue. So, why not? If he actually feels the same way about me, why is he discouraging that discussion? On the last night I was supposed to take care of the cat, I wanted to leave him a gift that I originally made for the purpose of cheering him up should he not get the position. Seeing as keeping it around would only make me sad, I decided to leave it as a parting gift. I am a professional artist and made a portrait of his beloved kitty, to go with one he had of his dog. I left it with a letter where I confessed that I did in fact love him, and even if I didn't get to see him anymore, that I hoped his life in the new city would be lovely. I told him that I would always care about him, and wished him the best. Then I did something that I will admit that I am not proud of. However, this time, I just couldn't help myself. Remember the new box of condoms? The one we only used one from? Well, he left it out by his bedside, just a little out of immediate eyesight so I didn't notice it until the last night. Against my better judgment, and my respect for other people's belongings, I decided to look. It's a box of 12, so if we used one, math says there should be 11 left. There were only 6. Where did the other 5 go? I tried looking around the immediate area, hoping that maybe the cat had gotten into them and knocked them around the room, but I couldn't find them. I hope to God that there is an innocent reason for 5 to be missing like that. Maybe he just put the strip somewhere else in his room? Obviously I am not going to go snooping around someone else's place but that is extremely suspicious to me. Is this why he started pulling back, why he would be unreachable suddenly, why he didn't want to kiss me anymore? Was I just a fling to him? I really hope this is not the case. However, looking back at everything, I can't help but feel like I allowed myself to be used again. I can't help but feel stupid for putting myself out there, and ignoring my better judgment because I felt that I met someone special, only to learn that I meant so little. Having BPD causes me to idolize people, and the quiet-type that I have causes me to blame everything on myself. I gaslight myself into ignoring red flags and instead fork over more of my soul to people who plan on disposing me at the earliest convenience. I probably got attached way too fast, but I am so confused. Please, someone help me understand what the *** just happened to me. :(

Borderline.

by Sherbertdab

July 4th

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